Doomsday
by chezchuckles
Summary: It's the end of the world as we know it. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>"No. No, Castle. This is ludicrous. And it's <em>late.<em>"

She resisted the effort of his tug, but when Rick Castle was insistent, when Rick Castle was afraid as well, she wasn't sure she could actually stop him. Not without hurting him, at least.

He stepped inside her apartment and tightened his grip on her wrist. "I know; I couldn't get here any earlier. We don't have much time, and I don't know how bad the roads will be."

"People are traveling for Christmas holidays, _not_-"

"Kate. This is serious."

"Castle, this is just as bad as buying property on the moon."

"This is cataclysmic."

"This will be just another day," she said, tugging on her wrist again to test his limits. His grip tightened; she was going to have bruises. Or he was.

"Kate, please don't make me beg." His face - while usually suffused with some remnant of humor or tenderness - held only the deep lines of a man embattled, a man with the Cassandra-esque job of foretelling the fall of Troy. "I will carry you downstairs without compunction. I'll - I'll do a lot worse. You have to come with me."

"Castle, my dad is coming for Christmas-"

"I plan on driving upstate and getting your dad too - it's on the way. It's all planned out. There's plenty of room."

"This is simply crazy. You're acting-"

"It might be crazy. It might be. That's fine. But I can't take the risk that there are forces out there at work - forces which have set into motion a string of events which may cause - I don't know - I don't even know, Beckett. It could be anything from alien invasion to the collision of the Earth with a planetary body known as Nibiru, but the point is - _the point is _- I have the means and the resources to keep the ones I love somewhat safe. Please let me do that."

She stared at him. Not because - well, yes, because he tossed off Nibiru like it was an actual thing that existed - but mostly because he'd just lumped her into a category of people that she had only lately admitted she belonged to. Wanted to belong to. _The ones I love._

"We'll get your dad," he repeated. "Please, Kate. Please."

She turned away, yanking her arm back; he actually let go. She paced away from him, panicked by his panic, like it was a thing that might be catching.

But see . . . see, she might not believe him, but she believed _in_ him. His crazy theories often turned out partially right. And no, _no_, she didn't think that December 21, 2012 was the end of the world. No. She hadn't believed in Mayan curses back then and she didn't believe in them now - or rather, Mayan calendars eerily falling silent - but Rick Castle was damn persuasive, and in nearly literal agony over her refusal to go with him.

"Kate. Just - just think of it as a Christmas vacation. A somewhat enclosed vacation, but everyone will be together, and I've got it all decorated. I sent my mother and Alexis on ahead - they've been there for the last few days - and I'm wearing Esposito down, I can so tell-"

"Wait. Wait, hold on-" She held up both hands as she spun around to look at him. "Esposito?"

"And Ryan. He and Jenny are already there. Ryan thinks-"

"Ryan is a-" She bit that off and narrowed her eyes at him. "Ryan has a tendency to believe every story you spin, Castle."

"I got Lanie working on Esposito."

"There is no way in hell you're gonna make me believe that Lanie agrees with you."

He shook his head. "No. But she is okay with a free vacation." He smiled at her carefully, winningly.

For a half-second, she was persuaded, she was ready to pack a bag and spend her Christmas vacation days with him.

And then her brain cleared. "No. Castle. This is just - beyond your usual."

"Haven't you been listening to the radio?"

She startled back at the sudden change in subject. "I - don't usually?"

"It's all over the radio."

"What is?"

"The end of the world."

"Castle," she huffed. "Crackpot conspiracy theorists. Be reasonable."

"You be reasonable. Just come with us. All of us. So I don't have to battle my way through the zombie hordes to rescue you come December 21, Beckett."

"Zombie hordes?"

"Or the rain of sulfur and brimstone?"

"Castle."

"It could be aliens. And you know what aliens are capable of. If they abduct you, Kate, I'm not so sure I could find you."

It wasn't that she really ever expected to be abducted, it wasn't that the likelihood of alien abduction loomed large - no. No, it was the way his face looked when he said he wasn't sure he could find her.

Heartbroken. Already desolate.

That was what did it. All it took.

She closed her eyes and she heard his breath catch, intense and vital hope in that gasp. Kate held a hand up for silence, warred with herself for another long and bitter moment, and then opened her eyes.

"Damn it. Help me pack. I'll go to your stupid fallout shelter."

"Doomsday bunker."

"So help me," she warned, a threat in her voice.

"Yes, yes, whatever you want to call it," he hastened to add, turning her around by the shoulders and guiding her back towards her bedroom. "Let's pack. You can call your dad from the road."

* * *

><p>She called her dad from the road.<p>

"Hey, Katie. Guess what? I found-"

"Wait, Dad," she interrupted, giving her partner another long and questioning look before giving it up. "I - I'm on my way to pick you up. There's a change in plans for Christmas."

There was a moment of silence and then her father's too-cheerful voice. "If you've got to work, sweetheart, we can do Christmas early. I don't mind. It's just a day-"

"No, Dad, actually, I have the time off. That's not the issue."

"What's going on?"

"Castle is having a panic attack."

"Katie?"

"He thinks the world is going to end."

Her father laughed, loudly, and she hoped Castle could hear it. After a moment, her father's laughter died down and he said, "What does this have to do with Christmas?"

"I - I might have enabled his delusion, just a little, Dad. He has a fallout shelter-"

"Doomsday Bunker," Castle interjected.

"Hush, Castle. I told you. No more." She glared at him, then went back to her conversation. "And I agreed to come. We'll just have Christmas there, all of us together. Is that - are you okay with that?"

"Wait. You're coming to pick me up because we're going to Rick's - ah - whatever this is? - to withstand the end of the world? For Christmas?"

She sighed, closed her eyes to get past the humility of actually having this conversation. "Yes?"

"That's-"

"I know. So very crazy."

"Actually, I was going to say that's sweet. He wants to keep everyone safe. He's a good man."

Wait. Hold up. "Dad. This isn't sweet. This is insane."

"Your dad thinks it's sweet?" Castle swiveled his head to look at her, eyebrows raised.

"Eyes on the road, Castle."

He turned back, but kept giving her sidelong glances, happy glances, so pleased with himself.

"Katie, I'll pack up the Christmas stuff, throw some clothes in a bag. How long are we staying?"

"Through Christmas, Dad. At least."

"Longer," Castle said loudly. "In case we have to wait out nuclear fallout - in which case it'd be years and years-"

"Castle. Shut the hell up."

"Katie," her father chided. "Be nice. I'll pack for a week. Just in case."

Castle was fiddling with the radio the moment she hung up, and she slumped against the window, lamenting the lack of control she had over her life at this moment. How had she been finagled into a week-long Christmas vacation with Richard Castle and family? And her Dad? And Lanie and Esposito and Ryan and Jenny-

"If there is fallout," Castle went on. "It's okay because I have provisions of course. I - I never expected this many people, so we'll have to be smart about it. And then of course, with three couples, we can repopulate the world, no problem. Ooh, I like how culturally diverse our Adams and Eves-"

"Castle," she growled, and opened her eyes to stare him down. "I am not repopulating the world with you."

"Well you're not doing it with Esposito or Ryan. They've been claimed."

"I'm not doing it with anyone."

"You have an obligation to the future to-"

"If you even suggest that I spend the rest of my life having your kids in some fallout shelter, barefoot and pregnant-"

"No. No." He gulped and darted nervous looks over at her. "I - that wasn't - I was thinking more about the sexy fun times?"

She stared at him.

He swallowed hard. "Okay, no sexy fun times. Got it."

She closed her eyes again, willed herself not to hit him.

"But it's going to be a lo-o-ong thirty-five years if we can't-"

"_Castle_."

"Shutting the hell up now."


	2. Chapter 2

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>He stopped the car just outside of the city, pulling into a gas station and shutting off the engine.<p>

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Filling up on gas."

"Because when we hit the end of the world in your panic room, we're going to need a full tank." She glared at him.

"I'm - uh - I'm kinda tired of the attitude?" he said, feeling his chest clench with absolute, insane dread. It was a stupid thing to say, but he needed to say it. And he felt like she could be nicer about this.

She stared at him, the furiously pissed look melting from her eyes. He dropped his gaze, fiddled with his keys. He just wanted - he couldn't leave it to chance. Too much already had happened to them, to her, and he had the power to prevent this one thing, just this one, or to at least die with her when the end of the world came about, and that was preferable really.

"I just want to - can we have a nice Christmas and I won't talk about the aliens and you won't - won't look at me like I'm the stupidest-"

"Castle," she murmured.

He raised his eyes to hers, heart in his throat, and she reached across the center console to slide her hand in his, squeezing.

"I'm sorry."

He laced his fingers through hers, slowly, and brought the back of her hand to his chest, closing his eyes.

He heard her shifting closer, then felt her other palm against his ribs, over his heart. He knew she could feel it pounding.

"Castle, you're_ seriously_ worried."

He nodded.

"Okay, okay," she murmured, her body touching his, enveloping him, her hand sliding up his chest to squeeze the back of his neck. "We'll just go have a nice Christmas in your Doomsday Bunker."

He opened his eyes, expecting a tease, but he saw her so very close, and her face gentle as she looked at him. He took the risk, leaned in to press a thankful kiss to her cheek, kept his mouth there a moment longer than he should.

She didn't say anything, didn't pull away, didn't really react.

It was the best he could hope for.

* * *

><p>After pumping gas, he left the keys in the ignition so she could keep the heater on.<p>

He bought her coffee from the convenience store, the calorie-rich vanilla thing that passed for espresso. He also bought animal crackers, gummies, beef jerky (still a little panicky, though it was starting to recede now that he knew she was with him), and a few packs of gum. He grabbed a couple water bottles and, at the last minute, picked up a 2-liter of root beer. Alexis liked it.

He felt better now; it did seem a little bit silly. And yes, ridiculous. But he wasn't about to take the chance that this had substance and merit, whatever this was, and still do nothing.

He'd invested in his doomsday bunker years ago - when Aleixs was born and he was panicking over being a first-time father and not knowing how to do any of it right. He'd only thought of it sometime this summer, and while Kate had been not talking to him (as always over the summer), he'd thrown all his energy into making it a true fallout shelter.

When he got back into the car, her face was white.

"What?" he asked, dumping everything into the backseat and reaching for her hand.

She squeezed it tightly. "I - you said - the radio."

"Yeah," he said softly.

"Have you heard? Lately. Have you listened to it lately, Castle."

He shook his head, watching the round and dark surprise of her eyes. She looked shell-shocked. "What? Kate-"

"It's - you said - you were right," she whispered.

"What?"

"It's on the radio. They just cut in to this classical station and I heard it-"

Kate leaned over and switched the radio back on, turning it up, and he heard the strains of some kind of orchestra.

"They said, they said the Meteorological Bureau requested that all the large observatories direct their attention to something happening just past Mars."

"Are you kidding me?" he gasped.

She squeezed his hand tighter and then the radio interrupted the orchestral arrangement with the emergency broadcast noise. When that faded, the radio deejay cleared his throat.

"We are ready now to take you to the Princeton Observatory where Carl Phillips, our commentator, will interview Professor Richard Pierson, world-renowned astronomer. We take you now to Princeton-"

"Castle-"

"Wait, wait," he said, pulling her hand to his chest, his heart pounding hard.

"Quite distinct now because Mars happens to be at a point nearest the earth . . . in opposition, as we call it."

"Is that the astronomer?" she murmured.

"Yeah, hold on. Listen."

"How do you account for these gas eruptions occurring on the surface of the planet at regular intervals?"

"What?" Castle barked, felt Beckett crush his hand in hers to silence him.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this confirms earlier reports received from American observatories. Now, nearer home, comes a special bulletin from Trenton, New Jersey. It is reported that at 8:50 p.m. a huge, flaming object, believed to be a meteorite, fell on a farm in the neighborhood of Grover's Mill, New Jersey, twenty-two miles from Trenton. Our reporter on scene-"

"In New Jersey? There was a meteorite in New Jersey?" Kate untangled their hands. "Drive, Castle. Get going. Now."

"Yeah, your Dad." He reached out and turned the radio up again, something struggling for awareness in the back of his brain but he couldn't get at it.

"Go! Castle-"

"I'm going," he muttered and put the car in gear, pulled out of the gas station.

* * *

><p>He drove in silence for an hour, the tension rippling, as they listened to the radio. His heart pounded so hard that his hands throbbed on the steering wheel.<p>

"Okay, no," she said suddenly. "No. This is crazy, Castle."

"Crazy?"

"They're just - this is a meteorite in New Jersey. They're just describing a meteorite-"

"As a huge cylinder?" He glanced over at her, incredulity in his voice. "Made of yellow-white metal, thirty yards in diameter? This isn't-"

"No." She held up both hands as he made the turn onto her father's street. "No. I refuse - it's just a report about a meteorite. And something about Mars, and seriously, _seriously_, no."

"Which is your dad's?"

"Two down - no - there. Yeah."

He pulled into her dad's driveway and killed the engine. Now that the radio was off, his thoughts were beginning to coalesce, come together to form a picture he didn't like.

His phone rang and Beckett was already opening the door; she glanced at him as he fished it out of his coat pocket.

"It's Alexis."

"Answer your phone; I'll get my dad." She slid out of his car and slammed the door, stalked towards the house.

He swallowed and answered. "Alexis?"

"Dad? Did you - uh - did you invite the Ryans?"

"Course."

"Uh, all right. I just - I don't know where to put them all."

"How many is all?"

"Hard to tell, actually."

"Hard to tell? Isn't it - I mean - Kevin and Jenny?"

"And Detective Ryan's - um - I'm counting three sisters, but he did say he couldn't convince them all to come. Plus they've got husbands and kids. And a cousin? Oh, hi, sweetie. Sure, come on in."

"Alexis?"

"That's Maggie. And her sister, Maisey. They're twins. You what? Yeah. I can. Dad, Maisey wants to know if she can play with her Barbies in your study."

He breathed in and blinked, saw Beckett coming out of the house with her father, carrying a bag of Christmas presents as Jim pulled his suitcase behind him.

"Dad?"

"Yeah. Sure. Barbies in the study. Go for it. And Alexis? Just - put them wherever you can. Might have to put all the kids in the living room area, make it a camp out."

"A couple of the girls can sleep in my room with me."

"That's sweet, pumpkin. Okay, look, we'll figure it out when I get there. I've got Kate and her dad."

"Drive safely, Dad. Love you."

"Love you, too." He ended the call and hopped out of the car, helped Jim put the suitcase in the back. Jim put his hands on his hips and gave him a long look.

"So."

"Yeah. I - I can't - Kate-"

"I know you care, Rick." Jim laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed, a little smirk on his lips, much like his daughter's, slightly patronizing.

"Okay, break it up," Kate huffed. "Get in the car, guys."

"You listen to the radio?" Castle asked the man.

"No. Why?"

"It's all over the radio."

"There's no _it._" Beckett slammed the door shut and glared at him as he got back in the driver's seat. "There's a meteorite and people are freaking out over nothing."

But when Castle started the engine, the radio was filled with the noise of _something_ and it wasn't nothing.

Jim leaned in from the backseat, an arm on Kate's headrest for balance. "Turn that up. What station is this?"

"Castle?"

"NPR on satellite," he said, backing out of the drive as Kate turned it up.

The reporter was describing the scene - cars lined up to see the massive crater and the meteorite, the farmer whose property it was, the police and fire department vehicles, the CDC had just arrived.

"CDC?" Kate groaned. "This is - this is crazy. If it weren't December 20th, I doubt any of this-"

"Hush, Katie. There's more," her father said, reaching over the seat to squeeze her shoulder. Castle threw the man a glance and gave the car a little more gas. He wanted to be at the bunker yesterday.

"Now some of the more daring souls are venturing near the edge. Their silhouettes stand out against the metal sheen."

"Why - wait, the meteorite is made of metal?" Jim asked.

"This yellow-white metal, they said," Castle filled him in. "And I heard - we heard - that it created this crater 30 yards wide. Or the meteorite is 30 yards. Something."

"What station is this? NPR? Is it on any of the news stations? Because they aren't reporting this on television or-"

"See?" Kate said triumphantly. "I told you. It's not a big deal."

Castle leaned over and tried switching around to other satellite radio news programs. CNN contained only more talk about the state of alert and comparisons to Y2K, interviews with cult leaders who claimed tomorrow was the day of rapture.

"Why isn't CNN broadcasting this meteorite stuff?" Jim asked.

"Maybe it's more local news on this NPR program."

"Go back to NPR," Jim said, his chin resting on his fist at the back of Kate's seat. "I want to hear more about this before I make any decisions for myself."

Castle flipped it back.

"Do you hear it? It's a curious humming sound that seems to come from inside the object. I'll move the microphone nearer. Now we're only 25 feet away; the police have cordoned off the area and are keeping civilians back. But listen-"

In the car, the tires keeping a steady pitch against the interstate, they all sat still, listening to the sound coming from the radio.

It hummed.

"It's alive," Castle whispered. And he wasn't entirely joking.


	3. Chapter 3

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>"It's not alive," she said again.<p>

_It's not alive._

"Unequal cooling of its surface," the radio announcer reported. "Nothing more. Although the metal casing is definitely extra-terrestrial."

"Oh my God."

"Castle," she growled, turning her head to look at him. "Of _course_, it's extra-terrestrial. It's a meteorite. By definition, it is not from this planet."

"But the metal is-"

"Not from aliens," she insisted, giving her father a swift look to shut him up as well. Her dad wasn't a big believer in anything like this, but he did love to antagonize, stir things up, play devil's advocate. "Whatever metal it is - just a rock that fell-"

"-from the sky. A rock that fell from the sky," Castle said intently. "How can you-"

The grating noise that came from the radio stunned him into silence; Beckett found herself holding her breath as they listened.

Metal against metal.

Castle was gripping the wheel too tightly and Beckett could feel the car picking up speed. She reached out and closed her hand around his forearm, squeezed until his shoulders dropped a little.

"Castle."

He glanced at her quickly.

"You need to drive. Safely," she said. He was nodding back at her.

The radio flared loudly between them. "Keep those men back. It's flaking off - the metal is flaking off - keep those idiots back!"

Her heart was _not_ pounding. This wasn't - this wasn't aliens, that was ridiculous, this was-

"Oh my God," Castle breathed. "What in the world? Well, no, not in the world, right? That's the point. It's not from this world at all. It's - it's the end of the world, just like the Mayan calendar predicted-"

She squeezed his arm harder, wanted to punch him in the shoulder - she was so close to it - for letting his imagination run away with him when clearly, _clearly,_ this was nothing more than-

"War of the Worlds," Jim said quietly, and reached past her over the center console to snap off the radio. He sighed.

Beckett froze.

"What?" Castle said harshly.

"It's a modernized version of Orson Welles's broadcast from 1938-"

"I know what - are you - we were listening to-"

"_You_ were," Beckett interrupted grimly, dropping her hand from him. "You were listening and jumping to conclusions-"

"But you believed it too," Castle insisted, glaring at her. "In fact, it was only when I got back in the car and _you_ were so certain that it made me-"

"Panic?" she said. "You panicked. Like a girl."

"Like you," he put in. "You panicked too."

"Okay, all right, break it up," her father said. She glanced back at him and he was smirking. He'd known all along what it was, had only let it go on for as long as it did because he was having fun.

"Dad-"

"It's fine. We're all fine. There's no meteorite in New Jersey. Honestly, Katie, I'm shocked you were taken in. I thought, for sure, when I said it was only on NPR, that you'd figure it out."

She blushed furiously and turned her head to stare out the window at passing scenery. And then realized - they were still headed to Castle's bunker.

"No. Wait. Turn around, Castle. Take me home. Take my father home. This is-"

Her dad's hand on her shoulder made her stop, stare at him in surprise. He shook his head at her.

But.

_Dad._

Castle gave her a sharp cut of his eyes, back to the road, again to her, trying to gauge her reaction maybe or trying to figure out what she and her father weren't saying.

And she knew. Even if NPR was parodying the doomsdayers, even if her father was having fun at their expense, it didn't mean that Castle didn't think they might not survive December 21st.

"Zombie hordes, huh?" she said quietly, resigned to it.

Castle sighed, a long sound that echoed in her chest and ached. "Yeah. I've even got a manual. 'How to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse.' You could read it when we get there."

"How much longer?" she asked, tracing her finger over the condensation in the glass. The heater blew forcefully across her cheek and neck, drying out her skin.

"Ten, maybe fifteen minutes," he answered.

"Okay," she said. It was nearly eleven o'clock.

* * *

><p>"Leather," he stated matter-of-factly, using his key in the steel door.<p>

He'd driven them underground into a kind of parking garage - five cars already here - and then helped unload their stuff from the trunk and led the way to the door set into the concrete.

It truly was a bunker built into the ground, state of the art he'd promised, and entirely unlike him. While also being exactly like him.

"Why leather?" she asked, not sure if she wanted to know the answer.

The door turned and he grinned, then stepped aside to let her and her father go first. "Because the only things zombies have as weapons are their teeth and claws - rotting teeth, mind you, and fingernails that are ripped to shreds. Can't puncture leather. All you need is a leather outfit-"

"I think this is a wild and crazy excuse for you to see me all in leather, Castle."

Her father chuckled at the look on his face, shook his head at her as he moved further into the space. The garage door led to-

his loft.

"How? Did you-?" Kate slowly turned around as Castle shut the door behind them. "Castle. This is creepy. Even for you."

"I was severely lacking in imagination at the time."

"I find that impossible to believe," she shot back.

"I bought it when Alexis was a baby. I was still in my wild spending phase - to an extent. I just spent it all on her. At least she was too little to be spoiled."

"But why?"

Before he could explain, a horde of people (not zombies) stampeded towards them, leaving Kate gaping. Ryans. All Ryans, had to be. She remembered most of them from the wedding, and there were the twins, oh no, _no, _those holy terrors-

"Ryan," she said evenly, glaring at the detective. He detached himself from the crowd and slipped up to her and Castle.

"Sorry. I - I couldn't not tell them."

"Of course not. And they're all completely welcome," Castle said, and Kate was impressed that his voice held no ire, not even a trace of discomfort, all warm invitation and strong conviction.

He was a better man than she gave him credit for.

Alexis broke through the crowd to hug her father, Martha trailing behind; Kate found herself shifting closer to her own dad, his hand coming up to rest at her back, that single touch, connection, which made her both stronger and more vulnerable at the same time.

"Hey, Dad," Alexis said, her cheek to her father's shoulder.

"You find places for everyone?"

"Yeah. But it's going to be tight."

"No problem. What's left for Jim and Kate?"

Alexis shifted on her feet and shot Kate a look that seemed apologetic. "Um."

"I helped assign everyone," a voice rang out, and the crowd parted again to allow Lanie through. "It's on me. I'll show you."

Lanie.

_Lanie, what did you do?_

* * *

><p>It wasn't exactly the loft. Only one floor of living space and a floor below them, accessible by stairs, which held canned goods, the generator, a walk-in freezer (which she was going to stay well clear of), and storage. The rooms on the main floor were spacious enough, but with Ryan's whole family crowding in, everyone had to double up.<p>

Lanie, practical and devious, had made the room assignments. Her father was sharing space in what would have been Martha's room, in fact actually was her room here as well, with one of Ryan's sisters and her husband in the floor on a blow-up mattress. Martha's room, at least, had two single beds; she was grateful her father had a bed, since his back seized up on him from time to time.

Ryan and Jenny, Esposito and Lanie, plus another Ryan sister and her husband were all sharing what Kate normally thought of as the guest room, _her_ room, and it looked smaller and more cramped than she rememebred. Alexis had given up her bed to the last Ryan sister and husband, and in her room were at least five of the youngest kids.

The rest of the kids were in the living room or camped out in his study.

Which left her and Castle.

And of course. They were sharing. A bed. A room.

Alone. It didn't seem fair, but a Ryan sister explained how they were all used to packing in tight and how it was Mr. Castle's place - _he's being so generous_ - and how it was only right that they have a little privacy in his own home - bunker.

She stared at Castle; he stared at Lanie. The master bedroom was empty save for the three of them.

"What?" she asked.

"Lanie. Seriously," Beckett muttered, realizing with horror that she'd said _seriously_ seriously way too many times. Even now. Still. Couldn't stop herself. It was all ridiculous.

"What? You said, right before this summer, that you and Ca-"

"Lanie," she growled. "That was before this summer."

Castle deflated, his shoulders slumping, his head turning away, and her guts dropped out of her at the look on his face.

Heart stinging, she shoved Lanie out of the room with a fierce and deserved glare, shut the door on her former best friend, and turned back to Castle.

"Rick."

"I - I can sleep on the floor."

Arg. "No."

There was a taint to the silence that she couldn't work her mouth around, didn't know what to say.

"Before this summer . . . we what?" he asked after a moment.

She swallowed. He wasn't looking at her. "Nothing," she said quickly.

He sighed, rubbed his hand down his face. "Yeah. That's - par for the course with us."

Nothing.

"I - it was going to be-" She stopped, her heart pounding, but couldn't admit it to him now, not after everything. Not after this summer. How she'd wanted him. Still. Par for the course.

He turned mournful eyes to her, lost opportunities written into every line of his face. "Yeah. I figured."

And then he walked away.

* * *

><p>She waited for him; he stayed locked in the bathroom through a shower, through some noises that she couldn't identify, and then through a long silence that slowly turned her inside out. But she waited.<p>

When he finally came back through the door of the master bath, his steps immediately faltered to find her standing there.

"All yours," he said quickly, gesturing for her to enter.

"Which?" she asked, stupidly, thoughtlessly, the word coming out of her mouth before she could stop it.

"Which-?"

_You or the bathroom_, but she didn't say it.

"Castle," she said, heard the soft reluctance in her own voice and winced. Not what she'd intended to sound like.

"I'm gonna check on everyone in the living room. It's late-"

"Wait," she implored, grabbing hold of his forearm and keeping him there. "Wait. We - there are things that ought to be said."

"No. No need. We both know - and - that's enough."

"It's not enough," she growled. "If this is the end of the world, then how can it be enough?"

She caught the flare of barely suppressed emotion in his eyes, both fear and need, lingering panic around the tight lines at his mouth.

"You don't think it's the end of the world, Kate."

"I don't. But you're halfway convinced."

He shook his head as if to refute her.

"Convinced enough to show up at my door and drag me out of my apartment. Convinced enough to make a fool of yourself to save my life - possibly save," she said. His eyes closed. "Castle."

"Yeah, I'm an idiot. I know. But if there's a panic, if stuff does happen, then I need-"

"Me."

He nodded and his arms were around her before she had a chance to even offer, and of course she was on her way to offering, she really was, of course she was, so she just wrapped herself around him and held on. Just held on.

Castle squeezed her tighter, his face buried in the crook of her neck. She stroked her fingers through his hair, wished they had the summer to do over again, but couldn't figure out how it might have gone any differently.

"You know I love you," she murmured.

He nodded.

"You know it doesn't change anything."

He nodded; his breath trembled against her skin.

"You know what I need from you."

_But you won't give it to me. To save my life, like a fool._

He nodded again, started tangling his fingers in her hair so she wouldn't move away. She knew it for what it was, didn't try to scold him for it. She had no intention of moving.

"Sometimes it's a nightmare," he said then, and shuddered on a sigh that went straight to her bones, aching.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry for loving me."

"I'm not," she admitted. She was sorry he loved her so much that he was selfless about it. She was sorry that he loved her enough to let her go, because she didn't want to be let go. "Are you sorry I do?"

"Of course not. But this summer, I-"

"Things would've gone differently, sure. Yes. But it wouldn't have been right. And you know that. It's why you told me."

"You aren't - aren't okay with it yet."

"No." How did she become okay with him betraying the very thing they'd built their relationship on? And persisting in that betrayal? Even still. "You have a murder board down here too?"

He stiffened in her arms and withdrew, and she hated herself for asking.

"No."

She bit her lip, tried to apologize for bringing it up when they'd agreed they'd never see eye to eye on this, she'd never be okay with him risking his life, his family, for her, and he'd never be okay with not having all of her if he didn't-

She had words for this apology though, this time at least, and so she'd say them.

"Come to bed, Castle."


	4. Chapter 4

** Doomsday**

* * *

><p>She lay in bed face to face with him, fingertips touching and no more. He was watching her, but she was watching him as well.<p>

With her knees drawn up, there was still a foot of space between them. His hand nestled against hers, his arm extended across the sheet as if inviting her to come closer.

And she would. If it meant he stopped investigating her mother's murder alone.

But he wouldn't stop. So she didn't come closer.

His thumb stroked the pad of her index finger and down to her palm, over and over, hypnotic and drugging. She didn't know how to do without this, didn't know how she'd survived the last six months without the touch of his hand. They'd had only a few days of surrender before that night in early summer, that night she'd wanted to go all in, that night he'd confessed. Only a few days of this, lying in bed and touching, an oasis of touching, and she didn't think she could go back out in the desert. Not now.

Castle scooted in a little more, squeezing his thumb into the center of her palm as he moved. Now his forehead was scant millimeters from her fingertips; she could lift them and brush the hair out of his eyes. And she wanted to. She wanted to.

But she didn't.

He studied her hand, as if to avoid the accusation of her eyes.

She couldn't stop looking at him. Roving over the straight and solid lines of his body, the hunch of his shoulders, the fall of his lashes over his cheek. He looked tired. She hadn't let herself notice lately; she'd kept purposefully back from him. But he looked so very tired.

She was tired too.

It was too much effort to do without.

Kate curled her fingers around his and tugged, pulling them both in closer until she had to untangle their hands so that she could tuck into the shallow cove of his body.

Castle sighed and slid his arm around her shoulders, guided her in.

It was dark in the shelter of him.

When her heartbeat had subsided into a more sustainable rhythm, when his breath skirted the crease of her ear in a regular, even pattern again, she curled her hand under his shirt and placed her palm flat to his stomach, warm skin heating her cold fingers.

His body rippled at her touch.

He sucked in a ragged breath that sounded like grief. "I love you, Kate."

"I know."

But it wasn't enough.

* * *

><p>As soon as Kate fell asleep, he pulled her against him, tightly, wrapped himself around her with both arms, a leg curled around her calves, a palm at the back of her head. Only then did he start to feel any better.<p>

Only then did the black pit of grief begin to close up, no longer quite so hungry.

Castle let out a long breath, relished the way her scent made every lungful ache, pressed his cheek to the top of her head and wallowed in the sharp sting of his heart.

Even hurting, it felt better to have her with him. Even knowing that everything he did kept them apart, it felt easier with his arms around her.

He couldn't give up her mother's case. It languished between them, festering. It wasn't a wall, it was an weeping, open wound that never healed. She needed it laid to rest, and he needed her.

So he couldn't give up her mother's case.

But maybe for the next few days, he could give up thinking about it.

If she could.

* * *

><p>He woke to the kiss of her lips against the hollow of his throat.<p>

His voice, when it finally came, was breathless. "Kate?"

"Hey."

He opened his eyes and looked at her, saw they'd become even more tangled up during the night. He had no idea what time it was, there was no light, no windows, but she wasn't moving. He wouldn't either.

She was watching him carefully. "Good sleep?"

He hummed something agreeable and rolled towards her, his body draping over hers, his brain not yet engaged.

Her fingers spread over his ribs, hands slid along his back. Her hands were under his shirt? Her hands were under his shirt. Wow.

"Kate."

"No murder board down here, right?"

"Ri-ight," he drew out, trying to wake up enough to appreciate this. "No murder board."

"And it's the end of the world today?"

He groaned at the tease in her voice. "Yes."

"And it's the Christmas season."

"Are you giving me a gift?"

"Of a sort. How about a truce?"

He gaped at her, his heart stampeding straight over the cliff of her rich, seductive eyes. "Truce." _Yes._ Anything.

She leaned in and pressed her mouth to his, urgent and hot, her teeth against his bottom lip to make room for her tongue to slide in. Her hands swept up his back, rucking up his shirt, and his arms gave out, collapsed him on top of her. Her breath came out in a gasp, and a laugh he hadn't heard in months.

He stilled, pulled his head back to look at her, the smile on her face. He hadn't seen a smile like that in so very long.

Oh, he was good for her. This was _good_ for her.

That helped. That helped a lot.

She framed his face with her hands, lifted her mouth to his, still smiling; her kiss was gentle and teasing, no less intense but easier to take. Easier to hang on.

He kissed her, preyed on the curve of her lips, then worshipped the angles of her face, animal and acolyte at once.

With her arms around his neck, her body arching into his, he pulled back, watched the passion settle in her eyes.

"I like this truce," he said finally, drawing his fingers across her cheeks and into her hair.

"I like you," she murmured and tugged on him, drew him down to her.

"Really want to do this here?" he said, taking her earlobe between his teeth, growling when she shuddered and lifted her hips.

"Just really want to do this," she said, her voice raw and circling his neck. "Don't care where-"

A high-pitched scream had them both jerking away, hearts pounding. Another scream followed, and Castle sat up, reached for his jeans in the floor and tugged them on.

When he stood, Kate was already out of bed and swiping her gun off the dresser, looking both ravished and amazon warrior in her tshirt and leggings, hair disheveled, weapon drawn.

He yanked open the bedroom door even as he pulled a shirt over his head; the screaming intensified, two voices instead of one, the shrieks like nails on a chalkboard.

The twins. In the study.

Kate dropped her gun, put it behind her back as she crowded next to him in the doorway.

The twins' mother was already moving into the room, yanking the Barbie out of their tug-of-war, and popping each one on the back of the leg. As the tongue lashing started, Castle backed up, pushing Kate with him.

He closed the door on the girls' fighting and turned back to his partner.

His partner again. For now.

"Can we go back to trucing?" he asked, and reached around her to take the gun out of her hands.

* * *

><p>She didn't say no but she didn't say yes. However, she didn't get dressed immediately either. She watched him, a little disconcerting since that was usually his job, but she watched him find clean clothes and change out of his pajamas, her body spread out along his bed.<p>

"You doing that on purpose?" he asked finally, narrowing his eyes at her. But if she was, it was totally okay with him. He could take it. He'd take anything she offered.

Kate shook her head and sat up, ran a hand through her hair, closed her eyes. "No. I - I'm daydreaming."

Oh?

She blushed, her eyes snapping open. "Not about - not that I don't - but I-" She shut her mouth, looked away.

"Feel free to daydream about me," he said, grinning at her and sitting down on the side of the bed.

"I've heard it's not as much fun if you're given permission," she shot back, arching an eyebrow and crawling forward to sit beside him.

Permission.

"I wish I could touch you," he whispered, plummeting his own heart back down into darkness as he looked at this woman he loved so very much but couldn't have.

She took a ragged breath in, leaned her face into his shoulder; he could feel her breath, hot and wet against his skin. And tears.

"Sorry, I'm sorry," he sighed, drawing a hand up to the back of her head. "Truce. I remember. A truce. Tell me the rules again?"

She lifted her head, swiped at her cheeks - only the faint remnants of red in her eyes, the broken edge of long-suffering. "No murder board. No case. Nothing between us."

_So touch me._

He did, caressing his fingers down her cheek, over the hard, set line of her jaw until he reached her mouth. He read her lips like braille, then leaned in to kiss her, soft, light, forgiving and forgiven.

"It's going to be - so hard," she said quietly. "To not do this. When we get back."

He didn't want to not do this. Didn't want to ever not do this. "Truce, Kate."

She sighed and shared his breath, touched the side of his neck with two fingers as if feeling his pulse.

"Let's get breakfast," he said, wanting to distract her. "If it's the last day on earth, I want to spend it with you."

Her lips brushed the corner of his eye. "I wish it were."


	5. Chapter 5

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>When they were both dressed, reasonably in control of themselves again, Kate led the way out of his bedroom, through the bodies splayed in the floor, children sleeping in uneven heaps as if thrown together haphazardly. It looked like a war zone.<p>

Castle's hand tugged on her fingers, brought her through the study and out into the living room. It looked no better. Alexis was sacked out on the couch with her blanket pulled up over her head, her socked feet sticking out. As Castle passed by, he grabbed her toe and tugged; a grunt followed, and the foot withdrew into the shell of the blanket.

Kate paused, arrested by the thoughtless warmth behind the gesture, but a little body hurtled into her, catching her about the legs.

"No, no, no!" it screamed.

Two more kids came skidding down the hall, stopping abruptly when they saw Beckett and Castle. Kate put a hand down and gripped the small, bony shoulder, pulling the boy away from her. Blonde hair in matted curls around his face, a streak of jelly on one cheek, he squirmed away from her the moment he no longer had her protection.

"Damien, come away from her," one of the older boys called out. "We ain't gonna do nothing."

Damien shrank back against Kate's knees again, glanced up at her, decided against that course as well and shifted away, moving towards the living room.

Kate gave a hard look to the two tormentors, long enough for them to scowl and fade back down the hall, then she headed for the kitchen where Castle was already talking with one of Kevin's sisters.

The woman had made tons of breakfast and was currently apologizing for it. "I should have asked, but Kevin said-"

"It's no problem, really. Kelly, you're completely fine using whatever ingredients you like. Anything at all." Castle saw her and grabbed for her hand, but she avoided his reach and made her own way to him, pressing her hip into his side once she was there.

If this was the only day they got, she was going to make the most of it.

She saw movement at the edges of her vision and turned. Damien was haunting her steps, head tilted as he peered up at her. The moment she saw him, he fled around the side of the kitchen island, hiding from her.

Kelly swatted at him and pushed him out, but Kate wasn't sure that Damien was hers either. There were two more Ryan sisters - Kamille and Kris - and she thought Ryan had two brothers as well, neither of which had decided to pack up their families and follow Kevin into Castle's bunker.

Perhaps that was wise. Maybe she should have kept away as well.

"Sit, sit. I'll dish you up eggs and toast and whatever else. Orange juice is already on the table. I've got bacon. Pancakes. Some of everything?" Kelly was already grabbing a few plates from the cabinets and Castle was being relegated to the dining room table.

Kate followed, feeling equally as out of place, and sat at the table with him, close. His palm slid across her knee, slowly, a heat flaring up her thigh, and then his hand was gone. As if he was only testing her.

She scooted the chair in closer, angling it so that she could slide that same knee between his. Castle stared at her a moment, and then a smile flashed in his eyes, broke across his face.

Two plates were set before them, rocking Kate back into her chair, looking up at the woman. "Thank you, Kelly."

"No problem. Kris is doing laundry, by the way - the boys got into the potted plants, but we cleaned it up-"

Castle looked both stunned and amused at the same time. Only Castle would be so good about something like that. "Use the place. Really. I'm glad you're all here."

Kelly went back to the kitchen, side-stepping another little boy - one Kate hadn't seen yet - and then came Damien again, skulking back down the hallway towards her.

Kate ignored the kid, focused instead on Castle. He was watching her as well, and when she caught him, he only lifted an eyebrow and raised his glass of orange juice in salute.

This was going to be a strange day - their own little world being orbited by the bustling, hectic, crazy Ryan family.

She lifted her own glass, caught his eyes, and wondered why in the world she'd let herself get this far.

When tomorrow came, and she knew it would, she was going to hate herself for falling off the wagon.

"Live it up, Kate," he murmured, and took a long draught from his glass.

* * *

><p>When Kamille asked for more toilet paper for Alexis's ensuite bathroom, Castle only had to go as far as the hall closet to find a package of twelve. He glanced around and saw the twins arguing with each other near the door.<p>

"Go long, Maisey," Castle yelled and chucked two rolls of toilet paper at her head.

The twin screamed and ducked while her sister laughed, and Castle realized he wasn't sure which one he really threw those at.

"Uh, Maggie?"

"Why you throw toilet paper at me?" she shrieked, her little freckled face livid.

"Your mom said you guys ran out," he tried to explain.

Too late. Maggie/Maisey had already started for him, and he got a tornado of blonde five year-old tackling him like an NFL linebacker. He went down, off-balanced already by the package of toilet paper in his arms and unable to grab for Kate in time.

She let him fall too; he saw that. The blonde tasmanian devil got her knees on his chest and pushed off, then whacked a toilet paper roll against his shoulder for good measure, growling at him while Kate laughed.

Hard. It sounded beautiful, despite the bony kid bruising his midsection.

"Maisey! Get off of him!"

And she did, of course, at her mother's outrage, but in doing so, she also got her foot in Castle's rib and an elbow shoved into his diaphragm. He grunted and closed an eye as the girl was yanked away by Kamille, stayed lying in the floor as he tried to catch his breath.

A hand entered his line of sight. A slim and quivering hand, because its owner was still laughing at him.

He took it and let her pull him to a sitting position, wheezing.

"That's what you get for trying to play football with the terror twins."

He sighed. "My mistake." He still had her hand, so he yanked hard and had her falling across his lap.

She was heavier than she looked.

"Oof. Jeez, Kate."

She slapped his shoulder and tried to scramble off of him. "You butthead."

He laughed at her, juvenile and hilarious, and wrapped an arm around her waist, bringing her back down. His lips found the back of her neck, and she stiffened.

"Castle. Not in the hallway."

He was about to argue that but he saw Alexis drag herself from the living room to the kitchen, clueless as to what her father was doing, but still entirely too close. She might not appreciate seeing him wrestling Kate in the floor.

Darn. But-

"One more," he whispered, found the tender skin behind her ear and touched his tongue there.

She shivered, her body melted back into his, the hands at his arm cradling rather than clawing. "One more," she murmured.

He spread his fingers over her ribs and then trailed his mouth down to the tendon at her neck, pressed his teeth there, soothed with his lips.

He felt her ragged breath in, the way she stilled as if waiting.

"Castle?"

"Time to get up off the floor," he said finally, putting both hands on her waist and lifting.

She got to her feet, turned and gripped the inside of his arm to pull him up as well. Her chest brushed his shoulder and he stared at her, couldn't tamp down the longing that he knew welled up and spilled over into his eyes.

Kate stared at him for a long moment, as if she was gathering the courage to say something else, something important.

"Katie? Have you had breakfast?"

She startled, stepped away from him to head back down the hall towards her father.

He closed his eyes and sighed.

Too many people.

* * *

><p>She really hadn't thought it through; she'd seen the game in the stack at the bottom of the closet, the crazy houseful of kids were getting on her last nerve, and so she pulled it out and spread the plastic sheet on the living room floor.<p>

Twister.

Kate had intended that the kids could play and get out of everyone's hair, but it turned into an Esposito-Ryan-Castle competition in which they each pulled in their respective others.

Not that she was Castle's other. No. Wait.

It was just - partners. They were playing partners.

Partners. And now the kids were in the study, or scattered down the hall, or in other bedrooms playing with Barbies, Matchbox cars, and Legos, but not Twister.

And she had Castle's crotch in her face, Esposito's arm wrapped around her thigh so that his hand rested on the green circle, and Jenny's knee was the only thing holding her up in this awkward angle.

"Jenny, whatever you do, don't move," she laughed, and tried to shake her hair out of her face.

Castle gasped. "Whatever you do, Kate, keep - keep doing that."

She growled at him, wanted to knock him over for that comment - especially as Esposito and Lanie both laughed - but she couldn't move her palms away from green and red, or they would lose. And she was _not_ losing Twister to Ryan and Esposito.

Espo made a remark under his breath that Kate didn't catch, but she got the intent clearly. "Javi, say another word and I'm telling Lanie about the lettuce-"

"Hush your mouth," he barked at her. "Lanie, whatever she tells you, ignore her. She's just trying to get back at me."

"Lanie. Remember that time you-"

"Beckett!"

"Ooh, what? I don't know this story," Castle whined. "Tell me. What lettuce? What did Lanie do?"

"Do I want to know this?" Lanie said, shifting her balance to one side and causing the whole pretzel of their tangled bodies to sway precariously.

"Well, see, you had that salad-"

"Beckett, you shut your mouth or I will take you down."

"You gonna hit a girl?" Ryan asked.

"No. I'm gonna hit Beckett. Entirely different."

"Yeah, she can take you," Castle snorted.

"Watch it, stud. I'll mess you up first."

"Kate'll save me."

"Okay, now someone has to tell me." Lanie shifted again and everyone yelled at her to stay still. "You all shut up. Tell me the thing, the lettuce, Beckett."

"Beckett, don't you dare."

"Lanie-"

Esposito lunged for her, toppling everyone in a piles of arms and legs and torsos, flesh pressing close, breathless, laughing, groaning.

Kate landed in Castle's lap, splitting her lip on his belt, one arm twisted under his thigh, while his knees squeezed her hips.

She lifted her head, licked at the blood on her bottom lip, and saw his eyes roam over her hotly.

Okay. Twister was a terrible idea.

Or a really great one.


	6. Chapter 6

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>She licked her lip again, worrying the edge of the split with her tongue. She caught Castle forcibly removing his eyes, turning towards Ryan as the detective emerged from the study with a twin under his arm.<p>

"Hey, Ryan. Where's - uh - where's your sisters' husbands? I thought-"

"Went to work," Ryan said, shrugging his shoulder and causing the girl to slip. Maisey/Maggie let out a yelp and clutched her uncle. "Sorry, sorry. I got you."

"Went to work?" Castle gasped, following him. "But it's - it's December 21st. Don't they - don't they know that?"

Ryan winced and Kate muffled a laugh at the look on his face. She laid a hand on her partner's arm. "Castle-"

"What if they can't make it back?" he said.

Ryan glanced to Beckett for help, the girl squirming under his arm.

"Castle-"

"What if there's an emergency-"

"Castle," she said quietly, running her hand down to his forearm and squeezing.

He turned to her with a disconcerted look on his face, far more upset by Ryan's family members' leaving the bunker than she really expected. All the droll comments she had been ready to make now stalled on her lips.

"Their choice," she said instead. "They're adults."

He sighed and glanced back to Ryan, but the detective had already slid past with the twin under his arm, headed for the girl's mother and Lanie and the hair-braiding.

"Wait," Castle called out. "How - they won't be able to get back in."

"Naw, Alexis gave them the garage door openers."

"From my car?"

"And hers. And then your mom found one-"

Castle sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Okay. Well. At least there's that. But-"

Ryan grunted as the twin kneed him - dangerously close to the family jewels - and he hurriedly jogged down the hall with the girl. "I tried to talk them out of it, but they had to go - jobs, you know - and, well. . ." He shrugged and opened the far door, taking the twin inside to her mother.

Castle sighed, shoulders slumping. "Yeah. Well. But it means - ah - we're stuck here until they get back."

Kate startled. "What do you mean? Stuck?"

He winced and ran his hand down his face. "Uh. Well, see. It's like a fail-safe?"

"Doesn't sound like a fail-safe," she hissed at him. "Richard Castle, are we stuck in here?"

Castle shifted side to side and then grabbed her by the arm and led her away from the rooms at the end of the hall. But two of the Ryan sisters were chatting in the kitchen, making lunch that smelled heavenly despite the tight pinch of Castle's fingers on her elbow and she had the dreadful sense that this might be a conversation other people shouldn't hear.

So she let him lead her to his study where three of Ryan's nephews were camped out with comic books strewn around them. Two were fighting over a handheld video game, but they glared at Beckett and Castle when they came in.

"Ah, through here," Castle gruffed, nudging her back towards his bedroom.

No. No. Not a good idea. She turned, trying to get past him, but he gave her a look and tugged her by the elbow, pulled her inside, shut the door.

Her heart pounded.

"Okay. So. The garage door - Kate - it requires a garage door opener to lift. You have to have the code form the remote."

The pounding in her heart flipped, slowed, as she stared at him. "Wait. What? Why? Castle, that's moronic."

"Yeah, now . . . it does kind of seem that way."

"Kind of? Castle. Why in the world would you make it so that you can't get out?"

"Well, you can get out," he frowned.

"Apparently not," she growled, poking him in the shoulder.

"Ow. Stop poking me. You can. You can get out. It's just that - for security's sake - you have to have the garage door opener."

"That is the stupidest, most ridiculous-"

"It's a doomsday bunker, Kate. You're not really supposed to want out."

She pressed her hand to her forehead, sighed, then scraped her fingers back through her hair, turned away from him. It was fine. It would be fine. Because _nothing_ was going to happen, Ryan's sisters' husbands would be back, and they could all leave tomorrow morning when this interminable day was over.

"If they - if they don't make it back-"

"No," she growled and turned to him. "Don't even. Castle. This is getting ridiculous. This is insane. There's nothing-"

"Then why are you here?" he yelled. "If I'm so insane, why are you here?"

She jerked back, startled by the heat in his voice, the sudden switch from petulant regret to defensive - what was that? Was he hurt?

"Castle?"

"Forget it," he grumbled and stalked away from her, heading for the door.

She snagged his arm before he could walk out. "Castle. I'm here because - because you asked me to come. Did you forget that?"

His shoulders were up around his ears, but he turned and reluctantly met her eyes. She had no idea what this was about-

Not true. Not true. She did. She knew what this was about. She'd made a promise to herself to stop lying about this, to him and to herself.

"Okay. Sorry. I know," she said softly, started to bite her lip and winced when she grabbed swollen, still-stinging flesh.

Castle's shoulders slumped; he raised a hand and brushed his thumb over her lip, gentle. Too gentle.

No.

Just right. It was always just right with him.

Except when it wasn't.

She closed her eyes, felt his breath skirt her cheek before his mouth slanted over hers, soft, certain.

Kate slid her hand up his chest, around his neck, tried to pull him closer but he held back, kept the kiss subtle, unassuming. Too many consequences, and they both knew it.

She sighed against his mouth as he broke from her, pressed her forehead to his cheek. "Castle."

"Why are you here?" he whispered.

She couldn't speak, pressed her lips against his cheek, the rough edge of his jaw, felt his hands land at her waist, the squeeze of his fingers. She found words only as the question lingered, echoed in the spaces still between them.

"Because you asked me to come," she said finally. "Because, when you look at me like that, I can't say no to you."

His breath caught, then a laugh trembled out of him. "You ought to let me know next time. Which face it is. Because I need to make a note of it and-"

She laughed back and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressed up against him. Because she could. Today. She could do that today. Forget the consequences.

"How about we do some more of that not saying no to me," he said. His hand slid along her neck and into her hair, his thumb at her ear. "I like that."

"Of course you do," she murmured, lifting her eyes to him and not wanting - not wanting to say no. Not today. But-

"I do. I like it a lot. And since you love-"

"Since we're stuck here," she groused, lifting an eyebrow at him. But yeah. Yeah, that too.

"Stuck here and probably - stuck in here too, with those three billy goats gruff barring the way." He shifted closer, his hips brushing hers. "Since you're not saying no."

She smirked at him. "You're not that irresistible, Castle."

He sighed. "Yeah. Since tomorrow - you'll probably want to go-"

"But I'm here now," she said quickly.

His lips lifted, eyes crinkling. "Yeah."

She gave him a soft smile back. "Yeah."

"Let me know when," he said and lowered his mouth to hers.


	7. Chapter 7

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>"Dad?"<p>

"Oh shi-" Kate scrambled to get her shirt back on before Alexis knocked on the door. Castle was totally not helping; she batted his hands away and gave him the evil eye.

"Dad, is Missy in there?"

Missy?

"Missy?" he called back, straightening his tshirt as he headed for the door. He glanced back once to her, and she nodded, so he opened the door.

Kate crossed her arms over her chest, hoped the heat just under her skin wasn't being broadcast quite as blatantly as it felt like it was. It probably was. Her cheeks were on fire.

Alexis glanced between them in the doorway, then shook her head. "We're missing the twins' little sister, Melissa."

"The twins have a little sister?" Castle gaped.

"Missy. She's almost two."

"She's not in here."

"We've looked all over. This is the last place she could be."

Kate closed her eyes, tried to block out the idea of tiny little girl getting scarred for life while she and Castle - oh jeez, oh please no.

"Have you two been fighting?" Alexis asked.

Castle shook his head in denial, glanced back at her for help, but Kate was having trouble catching her breath, having trouble shutting down the wicked, vengeful arousal that still buzzed in her ears and made her body vibrate like electricity in an exposed wire.

She waved him off, shaking her head at him.

"Dad. Kevin said that Missy hides when people are fighting. If you were fighting, she probably hid in here somewhere."

Oh no. No, no, no. Not after Castle had his hand-

"Let me look-"

"We'll all look. Right, Kate? But I bet she's not - oh."

Kate opened her eyes and saw Castle standing at the foot of the bed, two little blue eyes, blonde hair peering out from underneath it. Alexis was coaxing the girl out slowly, talking in low tones, and Kate groaned, put her head in her hands.

When Alexis had the girl in her arms, she carried her to the doorway. "You guys shouldn't fight. It's Christmas."

If she could disappear through the floor right now, if the bunker's concrete foundation could just open up and swallow her, oh my word, please-

"We weren't fighting," Castle protested meekly.

"Were my Dad and Kate fighting, sweetheart? I'm sorry. I know. But they really do love each other. They won't fight anymore," Alexis sweet-talked to the girl.

Missy stayed silent, blue eyes watching them accusingly. She knew. She was judging them too. Of course she was. She just witnessed, or at least heard, two adults who couldn't even-

Kate wiped her hand down her face, realized that was such a Castle move and stopped, dropped her hand. "We weren't - we were fighting at first. But not for long."

Castle gave her a bug-eyed look and Alexis blushed crimson.

Oh. Oh, that said too much, didn't it? "I - I mean. I - we - uh. Castle." She cut her eyes to him, begging for help, but he was slowly shaking his head, blinking at her like she was from another planet.

Alexis shifted in the doorway. "Did you - are you together?"

"No," Kate said.

"Yes," Castle grunted.

Kate jerked her head towards Castle, opened her mouth, closed it.

Alexis snorted. "Uh-huh. Well. I guess you've got until midnight, right? That's when the evil curse of December 21st is over. I'm gonna take Missy to her mom. Maybe you guys should stay in here until you figure it out."

Kate stared.

Castle cleared his throat. "Did you just - are you sending us to my room?"

"Sure, if that's what it takes," Alexis said, her jaw set as she glared at them both. "Fighting is stupid. But the not for long part? That's even stupider if you don't know what you're doing here. Be together or don't be together, guys. But just figure it out."

She slammed the door behind her, the force of it rattling the picture frames on the bookshelves.

Kate turned horrified eyes to Castle.

He gave her a wincing shrug. No help.

No help at all.

* * *

><p>He stared at his feet and tried to think of something to say.<p>

"We're not really-" Kate started, stopped. He looked up at her and she frowned. "We're not really . . . grounded are we?"

"I - I think so."

"But. You're the parent. Not her."

"Ah. Well, not always." He winced and tried to see how she was taking that. Not so hot.

"Not always?" She huffed and stalked away from the door, away from him. "Well, that's healthy. Great."

He sighed, rubbed his hands over his face - hard - tried to scrub some sense into himself. He was still mentally undressing her, shirt off, hands heading for her jeans, but that wouldn't help anything right now.

As Alexis had pointed out to them.

"Sorry," Kate said, coming back. "Not like I can talk. My father didn't exactly hold on to that role very well either. So - okay. Um. What do we do now?"

He lifted his eyes to her, eyebrows raising as well, tried to figure out if she was being serious. She was. She really meant that.

"As you - as you pointed out, we're the parents, not her - oh. I - I mean-"

Her mouth had dropped open.

He backpedaled quickly. "Just, a phrase. I meant. You know what I meant." Only, yeah, crap, he'd meant parents just like he'd said it and not because Kate was Alexis's stepmom or anything, but he just - he'd spent so much of these last few years asking for her help in being a good parent to a daughter that it felt natural to call her one too. Sort of.

She ran a shaky hand through her hair and stalked away again, then back. He didn't know what to say.

"Okay. So. Since we're switching places with her here - Freaky Friday or something - we do what she said. Figure it out." Kate bit her bottom lip, and he saw the insecurity wash over her face. So she talked a good game, but she was as afraid of this as he was.

"Figure it out," he replied slowly. He didn't want to figure it out. Figuring it out would lead to _No, Castle, you can't._

And he wanted to.

She turned towards him. "Are we . . . fighting or are we-"

"Not fighting," he finished, staring at her.

"Not fighting?" she asked, hope slipping through her eyes.

Oh, that wasn't an answer, it was-

She must've seen it because she tilted her head back, as if stopping tears, turned her cheek, arms crossed over her body.

Like it was his fault they were fighting? "Kate. It's your choice. I-"

"My choice?" she said heatedly, turning back to him with all trace of sorrow up in the flames of her anger. "My choice? I told you my choice. I love you and you're being an idiot-"

He grabbed her pointing, poking finger, stepped away from her wrath. "You love me, so _be_ with me. Don't let this get in the way."

"Be with you? You think I'm not trying to be with you? I don't want you to die, you asshole."

He stared at her, not sure he'd ever heard something so encouraging and disheartening at the same time.

She snorted and shook her head at him, setting her jaw. "It's your choice, Castle. You choose - be with me, or keep doing this and wind up like everyone else who's ever touched this case. Dead."

_Be with me._

He took a long breath, tried to gather up the shreds of his dignity, his calm, his good sense.

Kate bit her lip and turned her head, scraped at her other cheek with the back of her hand. "I see," she whispered. She brushed past him so fast, it took him a moment to realizes she was going - going, leaving him-

"Wait. No. Kate-" He stumbled after her, caught her by the wrist before she could open the door. "Kate. Stop."

She wouldn't look at him. But she wasn't moving away either.

"It's not that simple," he said. "I wish it were."

She said nothing, didn't turn around. He stroked the inside of her wrist - he knew he was doing it to be persuasive, to seduce her; he knew it - and so did she. She jerked her hand away from his touch, crossed her arms over her chest, kept her back to him.

"Kate. Let me - at least listen. Please."

She turned her head, glanced at him over her shoulder, the strong and proud and stunning line of her profile like a punch in his gut. "But you don't say anything new, Castle. Why should I listen?"

"Here's something new," he said, feeling reckless and stupid and desperate. "Here's the truth. I'm afraid that if I drop this, if I don't figure out who had you shot, who murdered your mother, you'll never lay this case to rest. You'll never let it go, Kate, and I'll lose you. It's better that you're alive and not with me, than with me for a moment and then gone forever."

She jerked around, that tendon in her forehead pulsing.

He honestly had no idea what she'd say to that, because he knew and she knew too that he spoke the truth. She wouldn't let it go, couldn't. She'd wind up back in the same spot she was in the summer she got shot - staring down a sniper's rifle because she couldn't let it go. So what else was there to say?

Kate closed her eyes, struggled with something, and then opened them again to stare straight down into him, as if cutting through layers of years and defensive mechanisms and coping skills and bullshit that he'd buried himself in.

He was afraid she'd leave him. That's all. Not just that she'd die, yeah that, but he was just afraid, deeply afraid, that she'd get tired of dealing with him, his stuff, his need for her, his want, and then she'd just go. She'd just-

"You really are an idiot," she said softly.

He jerked his eyes up to meet hers, confused.

"How are those two things mutually exclusive, Castle? You solve this or I die? That's - that's crazy."

He set his jaw and shuffled back, unhappy with the tone of her voice, the way she looked at him like he was - he was an idiot.

"Look," she said suddenly. "You asked me to drop it. You came to me, Castle, and you told me to let it go for now. Can't you do the same for me?"

A split, a crack in their stalemate. Wasn't it? "Let it go . . . for now?"

She took a deep breath; that tendon was back to throbbing in her forehead. "For . . . now. Okay. For now."

He blinked at her, stunned. "That - is that - what did we just do?"

"I think we just extended our contract," she laughed. "For another year."

"Until the summer?" His lips quirked, but it didn't feel funny. "At which point we'll revisit the terms and open up negotiations."

The smile dropped off her face. "I don't - I don't want to do this, us, like that."

He sighed. "I don't either."

"Why can't - why can't you just not do this?" she whispered. "It's my mother, not yours. My-"

"May not be my mother, but my - my - you're mine. My detective. My muse. A whole lot of other things I can't yet claim, but I want to. I already have."

She gaped at him, then shook her head, closed her mouth. "I - okay. I see that. You've got just as much invested in this as I do."

That was - big. A real confession. It deserved an equal confession from him. "I don't want to lose you, Kate."

"You don't even have me, Castle."

He sucked in a breath, couldn't negate the truth of that no matter how much it hurt. "If I stop." He paused, tried to search for the words he needed, the words that would make her understand.

"If you stop," she prompted, sliding closer.

"Then what happens to that wall?" He lifted his eyes to hers, let the desolation shine through. The sense of doom that he carried with him every day over what he knew would be their future if he couldn't get this thing laid to rest. "What happens when some new piece of evidence crops up and you can't stop thinking about it? What happens when you're in your apartment staring at those shutters, making yourself an easy target, and you won't walk away no matter how I beg?"

She didn't respond at first, didn't try to rebuff him with the easy, _That won't happen._ She kept a careful, steady gaze on him and then nodded. "Okay. So, how about this? You get the power to veto. This one thing, this one - one issue between us. You get to tell me no."

He swallowed hard and stared at her. "I - I do?"

"If that happens, if I get - sucked down into it again, and you come to me, and you tell me we can't do this, you tell me it's too dangerous, then - then I won't do it."

"Unlike last time," he said, his voice heavy, remembering how she threw him out of her apartment, how she told him he'd only been treating her life like a playground and she was tired of it and she didn't want him involved anymore.

She bit her lip, gnawed at it, then nodded. "Unlike last time. I'm sorry."

He let out a slow breath, wondered if this fragile thing that burned the back of his throat was grief or hope. "I - you'll let me tell you to stop. You'll listen to me and you'll stop?"

"If I get to tell you to stop now, then, yeah Castle, you get to tell me to stop."

Oh. Oh, he hadn't seen it like that.

"Okay," he said in a rush, breathing past the choked up feeling in his throat. "Okay. I'll stop."

The agony dropped right off her face, the indecision, the fear - gone. Her eyes lit up, her whole face, her mouth stretching wide in a hesitating but blossoming smile. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." He nodded back, found that his own mouth was curving into a smile as well. "Yeah, if you - yeah."

She beamed at him, all beautiful eyes and her pink tongue touching her teeth and that mouth spread so wide and generous and inviting. "I love you," she said and surged up into him, pressed her smile to his, laughing, light, amazing.

"Kate," he groaned, wrapping his arms around her, catching her up, his heart burning.

"I love you," she said again, breathless, her mouth breaking from his so that she could bury her nose into his shoulder, her whole body embracing him, tight, so tight. "Oh, God."

"I can - do I have you now?" he whispered, pressing his lips at her cheek.

"Yes, yes," she murmured, laughed again, her breathing sigh out like a weightless and feathering thing, drifting up. "You've got me, Rick."


	8. Chapter 8

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>"Are you eating carrot sticks?" he said, looking aghast.<p>

She bumped his hip with hers to move him out of her way, stalked out of the bunker's kitchen. Kamille and her sister had apparently decided to make a Last Supper out of their Doomsday Lunch; they were still working at the stove making mashed potatoes for one of the boys.

Kate wasn't sure which of the boys - her detectives or the Ryan nephews - but everyone had gotten to pick a favorite dish, much like the family in the movie Signs.

"Why are you eating carrot sticks?" Castle asked, following after her. Just as he'd been doing since - since they'd - well . . . figured things out.

"I'm hungry, Castle," she snorted, rolling her eyes and plopping down on the couch next to Lanie. "Lay off."

"That's not what you said-"

"Castle," she growled, pointing a carrot stick at him.

"But if you're hungry, there's much better things to eat," he whined, settling down close to her, their sides pressed together.

"I like carrots," she huffed.

"Carrots are rabbit food," Lanie said.

"No, they're good. I want to snack on something. They're actually sweet."

"Girl, this is why I hate you." Lanie sighed and got up, heading off down the hall, yelling for Javier.

"Kate," Castle tssked.

"I like carrots," Kate said. "So sue me."

"Well, ok, but for the sake of the rest of us mere mortals can't you go snack on chocolate chip cookies or a bowl of ice cream or potato chips?"

She narrowed her eyes at him, but he was rubbing two fingers up and down her knee in a thoroughly distracting, entirely seductive way. "I eat potato chips. Sometimes. And I eat ice cream. And cookies."

"But you're hungry, and maybe a little restless, and you chose carrot sticks? Ug. Disappointing."

"They're crunchy," she muttered, but her defenses were down and the feel of his fingers along her jean-clad leg only reminded her of what they hadn't actually done yet - what they hadn't wanted to do with family and friends just outside the door.

He'd been the one to push her away; he'd been the one to suggest that they save it for later. And now he wanted to caress her knee like he was trying out for a starring role in her bed?

"You're blushing," he murmured, his lips near her ear.

"You're - you're stroking me," she muttered back. "And as you pointed out, I'm hungry and restless, damn it. Entirely your fault."

He laughed, his breath in a hot wash against her cheek; she felt his lips suckle at her jaw.

She dropped the bag of carrot sticks and they spilled across the floor.

"Crap," she groaned, wrenched herself away from him to gather up the mess. She glanced over her shoulder and saw him smirking and she really, really, really wanted to get him back for that.

* * *

><p>The kids had been crammed in around the dining room table - there were more kids here than she realized. Five nephews and four nieces and a baby girl that Kate could swear wasn't here before. A baby? How had she missed that?<p>

Castle was dictating the flow of traffic in the kitchen with help from Kamille and Jenny, so Kate was able to sit on the floor at her father's feet, eating a strange mixture of foods - spaghetti, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and carrot sufflé. A lot of orange-red-beiges on her plate, actually, which bothered her aesthetically, but she was trying to be less that person and more - more someone who didn't care if her food matched too much? So she was ignoring it.

Esposito had once called her a control freak; he didn't know the half of it.

From his place on the couch, her father brushed his fingers through her hair, tugged. "How you doing Katie?"

She turned and gave him a small smile. "Good, Dad. You okay?"

"Did you - had you planned on us staying here long?"

She shrugged. Things were - everything was kind of up in the air.

"Well, when tomorrow dawns, as you and I both know it will, the Ryans have all said they're going home for Christmas. And Lanie and Javier have plans too."

"Oh. Yes, I - I know," she said softly, glancing down at her plate. "I don't - Castle and I-"

"Oh?"

She looked up into her father's gently curious face, felt his hand on her shoulder. She sighed and glanced over towards the kitchen where Castle was teasing his daughter and jostling her as she tried to fill her plate.

"Katie?"

"Yeah," she answered.

"Yeah, like there's something there and I should be spending Christmas getting to know his family?"

She looked back at her father, slid up onto the couch beside him, ignoring the grunt of protest from Esposito as she made him scoot down. Great. Esposito was probably hearing every word-

Or not. Looked like he was too busy stuffing his face. Okay.

"Dad."

"Uh-huh. Do I need to sit Rick down and have a conversation about his intentions?"

She wasn't blushing. She wasn't. "Dad," she groaned. "Little late for that."

"Little _late_ for that?"

Oh shit. "I mean - no - we - not that," she gasped, fumbling her plate as she panicked.

"Kate," her father said, shaking his head at her. "I don't want to know!"

"I know! I don't want you to know either!" Oh God. Oh God, seriously?

"Then don't say things like that."

"I didn't - you - I-"

"What are you doing to your father?" Esposito said, pointing his fork at her. "Leave the poor man alone. He spent all morning with the terror twins-"

"You did?" Kate asked, swiveling her head to stare at her father.

"I don't have any grandkids, so. . ." He trailed off, shrugged at her.

Oh no. No. He'd gone from embarrassed to hear that she and Castle hadn't had sex to asking about grandkids?

She glared at Espo, then at her father. "And you won't."

"Ever?" Esposito asked, stabbing at a piece of honey-baked ham. "Cause you know Lanie's mom was 40 when she had Lanie's youngest sister-"

"How old do you think I am, Espo?" she growled.

"Naw, naw, I'm just saying, Beckett, you know, that you and Castle still got time."

"What the hell?"

"Still got time for what?" Castle said, suddenly looming over her at the couch. He held a plate in one hand and a glass of wine in the other, and he promptly sat at her feet. On her feet practically. Set the wine on the coffee table.

She stared at him.

"Time for grandkids," her father supplied.

Castle turned startled - and _oh _so hot - eyes to her, and then his face split into a wide, joyful smile that squeezed her heart.

Oh shit.

This - this was just the very worst time and place to be diving into this - into them.

* * *

><p>Kate wanted kids?<p>

Of course Kate wanted kids. She was - Kate. Never what he expected, always an extraordinary surprise.

"How many?" he asked, leaning against her shins and balancing his plate on a thigh.

She was staring at him.

"Five?" Esposito offered. "No, even number. Four. Six?"

"Six is a lot," he hedged, glancing over his shoulder to look at Espo. "Maybe-"

Kate snorted. "Maybe you should be having this conversation with the woman who'd have to give birth to these six - four - whatever number kids?"

Castle's guts clenched at the sudden image that sprang to life in his already-too-fertile imagination, pictures of a too-fertile Beckett, and damn, holy mother of - he had to stop thinking about that with her father sitting right there next to her on the couch.

He cleared his throat and lifted an eyebrow at her; she was already averting her eyes. Blushing. Again.

"So four or six?" he asked, wanting to see how far he could push it.

"Oh jeez, neither." And then something came over her face, something rippled in her eyes, and he saw the idea take root in her too. She wiped a hand over her mouth and shook her head. "No. No. Castle. This isn't - no."

"Two is good," he said, casting a swift look to Esposito.

"Two is boring. Everyone has two kids. And three is an odd number - plus it sucks to be the middle kid. So four." Esposito grinned at his logic, then lifted his voice to call across the living room. "Yo. Chica. Beckett's thinking four."

"Espo!"

"Four what?" Lanie called back, rising from her place at the bar to head towards them. Castle grinned at the horror plainly written across Kate's face.

"Four kids," he offered, then turned and gave Lanie a dazzling smile. "Jim wants grandkids."

"Girl, your tiny hips will not take four vaginal births."

"Oh God," Kate groaned, burying her face in her hands. "You did not."

Castle laughed and pressed his ribs into her shin, feathered her ankle with his fingers. "She's a badass; she can do it."

"Hey, watch the language!" Ryan called out from his position in the kitchen, still filling his plate. "Lanie. Seriously, kids here."

"Don't Lanie me. Castle's the one who said ass. And he _is_ the kid here."

"Come on," Ryan huffed, Jenny elbowing him to knock it off.

"Lanie, just stop stalking," Kate said, lifting her head again to glare at her friend. Castle sneaked another look at Eposito and grinned.

"I apologize for saying a bad word," Castle said, directing it towards the table where none of the kids were even paying attention. "But I stand by my statement. Kate's tough. She could do it."

"It's not a matter of being tough," Lanie went on, coming towards them on the couch. "It's a matter of not enough room for a head to pass-"

"Oh jeez, oh please. Lanie. Don't make me come over there."

"I can take your skinny white butt any day, Beckett."

Castle turned and put his back against Kate's knees when it felt like she might jump up and leave the couch. However, Jim did decide to flee instead; Kate's father got up and offered his seat to Lanie, who took it willingly.

When her father disappeared, Castle twitched his lips at Kate, grinning at her over his shoulder. "I don't think your dad enjoys quite so much detail about the grandkids."

"_I _don't enjoy so much detail. And my hips are not that narrow."

"I could do a full inspection-"

She grabbed his ear, started to twist; he hunched his shoulders and ducked away. He'd save his safe word for when it really mattered; he kinda liked the ear-twisting. Sometimes. In a sexy, _I'd let you spank me any day_ kind of way.

"So we're up to full inspection, huh?" Lanie asked, smirking. "That sounds promising. Alexis told me she'd sent you guys to your room until you could behave. Or maybe that's misbehave?"

Behind him, he heard Kate groan again and had to smile. "Yeah, mostly misbehaving."

"Good for you two," Lanie said. "Now this talk of grandkids sounds so much more possible. Four?"

Castle leaned forward and shifted so he could see Kate's face; mortification was bright in her eyes, washing down her cheeks, but there was something else there too - naked longing that knocked the breath out of him.

"Kate?" he murmured.

She swallowed hard and shook her head at him, then pushed off from the couch. "I - I have to talk to my dad. About this week."

Castle took the plate she shoved at him, watched her thread through the adults towards the kitchen where her father was.

Esposito thumped his ear. "Get up, Castle. Go after her."

He glared at the other man. "You were the one who said-"

Lanie thumped his other ear. "My man's right. Get off your ass - sorry, your butt - and don't let her get scared."

Yeah, yeah, there might be - yeah.

Castle stood with both plates, headed towards his partner.

* * *

><p>"I guess I know his intentions," her father said, giving her a half smile.<p>

"I'm sorry. I think they were teasing me on purpose. Because you were sitting right there."

"I did kind of aid and abet, though, didn't I?"

"You really did," she said, giving a soft laugh. She was still shaking from all that - narrow hips and even numbers and Castle so calmly discussing it all. Like he'd given it some thought already.

Oh jeez, he probably had. He probably had names picked out.

"Katie, if you want to stay the week, we can stay the week. If you'd rather go back home, then that's fine too."

"I don't know yet, Dad. That's - that's all I meant to say. Castle and I-"

"We what?" came a voice from right behind her, sliding down her spine and pooling heat in her belly. Just like that.

She turned and saw Castle standing there with both their plates of food; she reached out and took him by the forearm, pulled him in. He was watching her carefully, but she only grabbed her plate from him with a tight smile.

"We what, Kate?"

She shrugged. "I was just explaining - to my dad - that I didn't know what Christmas was going to look like now."

"Now?"

She felt her father's eyes on them and wished they weren't doing this here, in front of everyone, with Lanie debating her ability to birth children and Esposito insisting on even numbers and Castle egging them on.

"Now that you're - now that we-" She shrugged at him, bit the bullet. "Now that we're - us."

Castle grinned at her. "We're us."

"Yeah."

"Eloquent. You have a way with words."

"Shut up," she growled, even as her father laughed and clapped Castle on the shoulder.

"I guess we should be asking you if you mind the two of us sharing Christmas with your family."

"I'd love it," Castle said quickly, shooting her a look. "I'd really love it."

She was glaring, leftover glare from the 'eloquent' comment, but it melted down into tender and hesitant and hopeful, even though she didn't want to be any of those things.

"Will you stay with me, Kate?"

She regarded him for a moment, let him tiptoe up to the edge of nervous, and then she smiled a slow, seductive smile. "Only if you let me decide."

"Decide? Decide what?" he gasped, blinking rapidly as she slipped in closer and trailed her free hand down his back, slipping a finger in the waistband of his jeans.

"How many kids we have, Castle."

The air rushed out of his chest and he stared at her. He gulped. "How - how may?"

"For. . ." she drawled out, let him think _four. _"For me to know. And you to find out."


	9. Chapter 9

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>He found out what they were doing, all behind his back. Kate didn't seem to know about it either; she looked just as suprised when Castle pushed past Ryan and into the bedroom.<p>

"It's just - it's - I didn't want to worry you," Alexis said, trying to keep him out of what should have been his mother's room. Kids and adults had been going in and out all day long, _braiding hair_ and _getting something_, when really, it turned out they were watching the news.

"There was an earthquake in Sri Lanka," Esposito said, looking not at all apologetic, still blocking the way. "And then the tsunami hit after that."

"What?" Kate pushed past them into the room.

He felt his chest constrict. "Ryan, your sisters' husbands are-"

"Not in Sri Lanka."

He heard Kate snort on a laugh, gave her a glare. "But they-"

"They're fine."

"They have the only garage door openers."

"I gave them to the guys," Alexis said, hanging onto his arm as he came into the room. "I thought-"

"No, it's not your fault. It's just. There's no way to get out without them."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

He winced and met her eyes; she looked guilty for it, and it wasn't her fault. "Hey, don't worry about it. They'll be back. We're holding their kids hostage, right?"

"That might be incentive to never come back," she sighed, rolling her eyes. Very much like Kate, who was currently looking at him with exasperation.

He cut his eyes towards the boys, staring them down. "Earthquake?"

Esposito and Ryan parted and let him see the television screen - CNN was reporting massive casualties in Sri Lanka, massive waves coming ashore in India, and billions of dollars worth of damage. Volunteers crammed into Red Cross vehicles, people set up in makeshift refugee camps, and officials giving status updates about power outages and unclean drinking water.

"Wow."

Kate was at his side suddenly, pressed into him. He glanced at her, not sure what he was seeng on her face, but she was tangling her fingers with his. And that was nice. That felt good.

"So. This happened when?"

"Sometime last night."

"Which was already December 21st for them, wasn't it?"

Ryan and Esposito exchanged looks, but said nothing. He knew anyway. He did a rough estimate in his head, figured Sir Lanka was 12 hours ahead. Roughly. Give or take an hour or two.

Yeah. December 21st. He was tempted to say _I told you so_ but in the face of real world disaster, in the face of truly terrible events, it seemed petty and small-minded. The urge didn't fade entirely though.

It did prompt him to pull out his phone, shoot an email to his accountants naming a Red Cross donation. Later, there would be OxFam and other organizations working to rebuild the region, and he would do something about that as well, but for now-

He saw Kate at his elbow, realized she was doing the same. Texting to the Red Cross so that the donation would appear on her phone bill; the number was on the CNN report. It was like a sucker punch, seeing her serious and wanting to do something, just like Beckett, wanting to make a difference. And she was. She always did.

Castle slid his phone back in his pocket, saw his daughter watching him. He nodded and her face cleared; she slipped her arms around him and gave him a hug, her head under his chin.

"Thanks, Dad."

He hugged her harder, grateful she was safe, alive, not having to worry about earthquakes or refugee shelters. She'd told him one time, when she was about fourteen or so, that she wanted to volunteer for the Peace Corps. He - it still made his knees go weak to think about it, but her tender heart was a beautiful thing and he'd never discourage it.

Kate was already sinking to the bed, sitting in front of the television to watch, so Castle did as well.

He didn't want to be right.

* * *

><p>"I can't believe everyone's been keeping that from me," he sighed, catching a moment with her in his bathroom. She was washing her hands; he'd followed her in after a respectable time following the toilet flushing, and now leaned against the shower door to watch her.<p>

Kate turned and gave him a look, drying her hands, maybe rolling her eyes as well. "I can't believe you're surprised."

He huffed at her, waited until she turned around, then slid his hands along her waist and tried reeling her in. She resisted, studying him, but he hadn't expected it to be easy. He had ways around her natural isolation, though.

"Four," he said, quirked an eyebrow.

It took her only a moment. "Castle."

"These are good conversations to have now," he said. "Important. Because you know, what if I only wanted two kids? And you're coming in here wanting four and-"

She shoved on his shoulder, but her cheeks were flaming and her eyes had a hint of barely restrained panic. He liked that, made her seem feral, like he was confronting a tigress. It was terribly sexy.

At least, that's what he was telling himself. Otherwise it might hurt.

"But we're kinda jumping the gun here," he started.

"Yes, exactly," she said, sounding relieved.

"What about the wedding? Big or small?"

She groaned and pressed her forehead against his shoulder, coming into his arms as she did. Now he could wrap himself around her, be extra clingy and needy and girly. He liked making her freak out, in small ways, when she was trapped here, because he knew she had nowhere to run. No place to hide.

"It's best to get these things cleared up ahead of time," he said. "That way they don't surprise us."

"Castle," she complained. But she said nothing more, wasn't exactly telling him to stop.

"How about a medium sized wedding. You know how beautiful Kevin and Jenny's was? Like that," he said softly, knowing it was too much, it really was, but unable to stop himself. "They both have big families, so I know that was a lot of people, but I think it was still intimate enough."

Her heart was beating hard between them; it made them both shake. But he held on, pushed through because this really was an ideal time to make her talk. Or at least listen.

He caught up her arm, smoothed his fingers over the soft skin at her inside wrist until he was holding her hand.

"Your dad would give you away. Even though no one could ever give you to anyone, I know," he murmured, felt her heat against him. "And I don't know anyone who would want to give you away; I only want to keep you with me."

Her groan was less mortified and more - he liked to think - seduced. He was seducing her with the picture he painted.

"I have no idea what style of wedding dress, but I think - I think I can imagine the way your eyes would look, searching for mine, coming down the aisle."

She lifted her face to him and there it was, the look he was picturing, tender and overwhelmed and maybe still a little fearful of the unknown but willing. Willing.

"I'd take your hand, just like this," he said softly, leaning in to brush his cheek against hers, fingers dappling the back of her hand, his thumb curling.

And then she spoke, a ragged breath in, the word on the exhale- "Yeah."

His heart pounded as it took off, took flight. "Yeah."

It took him a moment to catch his breath, to remember where they were in the story.

"I'd rub my thumb along your fingers, and I know that I wouldn't hear a word of the ceremony, watching you."

He couldn't see her face, but he could feel the haunt of her lips near his cheek, hovering. "I'd - I'd prompt you," she whispered suddenly, squeezing his fingers as she said it, letting him know, instantly, exactly how it would go, how it would feel to stand up with her in the church, her fingers squeezing his to get him to speak the words.

"Thank you," he said back. "I'd need it." _You. I'd need you._

"What else?" she said softly, her lips brushing his ear as she spoke.

"I'd put a ring on your finger. And you'd be mine."

A nip of her teeth at his jaw for that, his body thrumming in response, words strangled suddenly in his throat.

"Or maybe you'd just be mine," she said back, her voice like steel wool - strong, so strong, but malleable, forgiving. Her hand twisted to clutch the knuckle of his ring finger, her fingers wrapped around his.

"I'm already yours," he admitted.

She hummed at that, but they both knew it to be true. No point now claiming it wasn't.

"Then what, Castle?"

"Then I'd kiss you."

"How?"

He showed her how, his mouth at first reverent, adoring, grateful for the chance to have married her, even in a story, and then it was more, then it was urgent and needful and her tongue blazing a hot trail along his.

When she broke roughly apart from him, she leaned away, not looking at him, three fingers pressed to her lips as she tried to catch her breath. But her hips were flush with his, her body wasn't going anywhere. She was just - taking a moment. She looked amazing; she looked like she was his.

He had more he wanted to say. "When we're up there, I'd have to promise you _in sickness, for poorer, til death do us part_, but not even death could do it, Kate. Death couldn't part us. Instead - instead I'd promise you forever."

By the look on her face, she believed him. She finally believed in his forever.

The fingers against her lips dropped. And then she completely unmade him.

"Castle, would you?"

_What?_

"Would you marry me?"


	10. Chapter 10

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p><em> previously on Doomsday:<em>

By the look on her face, she believed him. She finally believed in his forever.

The fingers against her lips dropped. And then she completely unmade him.

"Castle, would you?"

_What?_

"Would you marry me?"

* * *

><p>"No."<p>

"No!" She startled back, but he didn't let her go. "What do you mean, _No?_"

"That's a conditional verb, Kate Beckett."

That was - what? What is he_ talking_ about? No?

"I don't do conditional when it comes to you."

"What the hell are you talking about?" she growled, hunching her shoulder as she tried to escape his grip.

"_Would_ I? Would is conditional."

Would was conditional. Something was gonna be conditional if he didn't-

"Now, you want to ask me unconditionally? For forever? Because that's what we're talking about here."

"You're picking apart my grammar?" she gasped, stunned by the wash of relief that flooded her, dizzying. "This is the story you want to tell people? I asked you to marry me and you went all grammar nazi on me?"

He grinned at her, slid his arms down to lock around her waist, pulling her hips flush to his. "Yeah. It makes a hilarious story. So. You going to ask me the right way?"

"I don't think I will," she said, smirking at him only to gasp as he dived in for a brutal kiss, his mouth restless and relentless, claiming her. Reminding her.

Her teeth clashed with his; she tore herself away, panting, bit at his neck, the strong line of his tendon. He growled and sucked at her jaw.

"Okay," she groaned, fists clenched in his shirt. "Okay, you win. Will you."

"That doesn't sound like a question. Doesn't sound very convincing at all-"

"Castle, damn it," she nipped at his skin. "Will you _marry_ me?"

"Yes. Forever yes."

And then his mouth gentled, his tongue soothing her ravaged lips, a slow and seductive movement that made her hips rock forward, her mind go blank.

"Yes?" she murmured, felt it rising up in her, high tide.

"Yes."

* * *

><p>"It didn't come in a Cracker Jack box," he muttered, scowling at her as she raised an eyebrow.<p>

"Castle, nothing comes in a Cracker Jack box any more."

"You're making me feel old."

She wriggled her fingers at him, sighing at the thin, gold band he'd shoved over her knuckle. "This is ridiculous."

"Work with me. When we get out of here, I'll take you to Tiffany's-"

"I don't want. . ." She trailed off, pressed her lips together. That might be a little untrue. She kind of did want Tiffany's, didn't she? She wasn't immune to the allure of the little blue box, the Audrey Hepburn feeling of standing in front of the window and wanting it. Something sparkly, unique, beautiful.

"Uh-huh, I know you do," he said, all coy and clever, his eyes on her. She shoved his face away with the hand now burdened by his 'ring' - a toy he'd unraveled from a Lord of the Rings bookmark in his study.

She sighed. "One ring to rule them all?"

"Oh my God, you're so hot."

"And you're a dork," she said, patting his cheek. "Which is funny, because I honestly never thought you were. Until now. You've reached a whole new level."

"Would it help if I said that Alexis got it for me ages ago?"

"Not really."

"Would it help if I said that this is my doomsday bunker, not my primary residence, and it holds all the things I don't normally use or want to keep around?"

"Not helping. You don't want to keep me around?"

"Digging a hole here - let's change the subject. Are you ready to go out there and tell everyone?"

"That you shot down my proposal? Sure, Castle. Let's do that." She hooked her finger in the belt loop of his jeans and tugged him after her, heading out of his study. She honestly wanted to curl up with him somewhere private and not see another person for a couple of days, weeks, but being in his bunker was like being in a fishbowl.

The longer they hid out in here, the worse it would be when they rejoined everyone.

So she did what she had always been good at - she faced down the enemy.

* * *

><p>Ack. Ouch. Not what he expected.<p>

Hauled out of the living room by Esposito and Ryan, his heels dragging the floor as he was literally carried out of there, Castle's last image was of her startled, laughing face.

He was going to get a beat down. Or - or something.

They shoved him into the back bedroom where the television was muted and showing footage of the earthquake's devastation: the matchsticks of buildings, the broken bodies carried out on stretchers. Castle was pushed down onto the bed while the two detectives stood over him, glaring, doomsday playing out behind them.

"Uh, guys?"

"What the hell?" Ryan said, and punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow," Castle yelped, shooting daggers at him - the one he normally thought of as the peacemaker. _Not anymore._

Esposito flexed and Castle flinched.

"My man, you and she have already had this conversation, rememeber?"

"What - what do you mean? We've been talking all afternoon about-"

"Not about that. About how to propose," Espo said.

Ryan punched him again. "You said big. You said make it big."

"Ow. Seriously. That hurts. You don't know your own strength."

"What the hell, Castle? When Honey Milk proposed to Jenny it was like you guys were hammering it all out, how it should be done, rehearsing it even, and then this? This is lame. Totally lame. You sneaked out to ask her, all secretive and shameful?"

"I didn't! I did no such thing. She asked me."

"And then you gave her a Lord of the Rings - Wait. WHAT?"

"She asked me. I didn't even get the chance to make it big." He rubbed his sore shoulder and pushed to standing, jostling the boys back from him as he strode to the door.

"She did _not_ ask you," Esposito said. "There's no way. You'd have to beg-"

"While I definitely agree, and am perfectly willing to some begging-" he grumbled at them. "Why's it so hard to believe that Kate asked me?"

"Because you - you - you're you," Ryan got out. "No offense. Love you like a brother."

"Uh-huh."

"She asked you?" Esposito said, his face still twitching like he couldn't believe it.

"She asked me."

"What'd you say?" Ryan gasped.

"No."

Both boys grabbed him instantly, shoved him back against the door before he had a chance to defend himself, head rebounding off the wood.

"Whoa, whoa. Wait. Damn, ow. Seriously. Ow." He struggled against them.

"You said no, you stupid, son of a-"

"No! I mean, yes. No. I said. Wait. Hold on. I - I was being funny?"

"Not funny, Castle," Ryan growled.

"I mean. It made sense at the time." It really didn't now. It made no sense now. "I was proving a point."

"What kind of point you making with that kind of answer?" Esposito snarled.

At that moment, Castle felt the doorknob twist, the door pushed into him, smacking the back of his head. Esposito gave him a look like _You deserved that_ but didn't seem willing to let him go long enough to allow the door to open.

And then Kate's voice called out. "Guys. Let him go."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Espo called back. "He has some explaining to do."

"I'll explain. Back up, let me in."

Castle renewed his struggles, managed to break free of Ryan's weakening grip, darted to one side as the door opened and Kate pushed through. Her hand came to his forearm, protection and reassurance, and he slid up next to her, standing at her side. All four of them were crammed into the tight doorway, staring each other down.

"You going to apologize to Castle for acting like neanderthals?"

"No," Espo barked.

"Yeah, we're not," Ryan puffed up, gaining strength from Espo's rebellion. "He said no to you! What the hell, Castle?"

He shifted closer to Kate, but she was giving him an indulgent little smile. "He did. You're right."

"But I meant it in the nicest way," he whined softly, eyes only for her. She was all lit up, back behind the aggressive humor and the rescuing him and all of that - she was lit up. She was enjoying this.

"You did," she murmured back at him.

"Ew, guys. Come on. No love eyeballs right in front of us," Ryan complained.

"Hey now, you got your chance. Did any of us complain about you and Jenny being so sickeningly sweet?" Castle crossed his arms over his chest and dug in. "If I wanna make love eyeballs at Beckett, I'm gonna - wait, is it okay if I-?" He turned to her, hopeful.

She reached out and squeezed his hip, then lifted up on her toes to talk in his ear, her voice low and sultry. "You can make love anything at me, Castle."

He reached a hand out to curl around her gorgeous, smiling, lit-up face, but his wrist was snagged and his arm bent back by Esposito, who was clearly getting sick of it.

"Bleh. Mom and Dad kissing. Let us at least leave the room."

"Apologize first," Kate insisted, blocking the door.

"You're serious?" Kevin gasped, stepping back.

Castle smirked. "Mom's gonna put you in time out."

He got a smack to the chest for that from Kate, but it was worth it for the look on Esposito's face. _So not right, bro._

"Yes, apologize for assuming he did something wrong, and for trying to beat him up. I'm the only one who gets to punish him."

"Ew. I need to wash out my brain." Esposito growled, shaking his head. "And we are not apologizing. We're men. We don't apologize to each other. Right Castle?"

Uh. Yeah. "Right."

She shot him a look. He shrugged.

"Ryan?"

"Uh. What he said."

Castle nudged her hip, crowded both of them to one side so that the boys could pass through the doorway. Espsoito gave him a glowering look the whole way.

"I did say yes. I mean, after I said no, I said yes then," Castle defended himself.

"Doesn't make it better," Espo said.

"You said _big,_" Ryan muttered, shaking his head. "Total hypocrite."

The boys stalked away, and then Kate was pressing into him, all hot flesh and long, sinewy length of her. He shivered dramatically and wrapped his arms around her. "Thank you for rescuing me."

"Can't leave the damsel in distress," she laughed.

"Oh-ho, so funny."

"I'm enjoying the role reversal. I asked you to marry me; I come rescue you. It's powerful."

"Huh." He snuggled in around her, wrapp his arms at her back, his nose into her neck, huffing his breath out so she felt it. "You're the one with the gun. You always rescue me. Not much role reversal there."

"You rescue me too, Castle," she murmured, and he felt her fingers in his hair, stroking the back of his neck. "You rescue me plenty."


	11. Chapter 11

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>"What are you doing?" she gasped, coming up on Castle and her father sitting close together on the couch.<p>

Castle flushed and tried to hide his phone, but she snatched it out of his hands and looked at the screen.

Tiffany's.

Diamond engagement rings.

"There's an app for that?" Castle said hesitantly, but the humor didn't carry through.

There was an app for Tiffany's diamond engagement rings. Oh holy hell.

She stared, then felt her eyes drawn up to her father's as if by force. He was looking as thoroughly caught out as Castle. But he'd been having fun, she saw; he'd been having fun looking at emerald cut diamonds in platinum settings with her - her -

Shiiiiit. Castle was her fiancé. How had that happened?

"You're doing this without me?" she asked, waving the phone.

They both stared at her, drop-jawed, and she turned around and sat down between them, wriggling to get some room, one hip in Castle's lap, the other wedged into her father's thigh.

A hand from each man went to her knees, one in a soft pat, the other in a squeeze, and _oh holy shit_ she had them on either side of her, looking at her in almost _almost_ the same way. Castle's had lust behind it, her father only relief. Trapped by them on the couch. Voluntarily trapped.

She rubbed her thumb over the touch screen phone and dismissed the princess cut diamonds right away.

"Okay, let's do this."

* * *

><p>Sapphire inlaid in sterling silver? "Really?" he asked and squinted down at the screen. Kate had quickly abandoned his cool Tiffany's engagement ring app for the actual website, but she was still picking . . . cheaply.<p>

"It's my choice, is it not?"

"But it's like three hundred dollars."

"Is that too much?" she asked, and he could tell by the ice in her voice she knew exactly what he meant.

"Come on. Look at these again-" he started, browsing back to the hideously expensive diamond encrusted-

"That's hideous," she muttered. "Both of those. And that one. No. Castle. No. I don't want that."

Her father sighed, gave Rick a pointed, conspiratorial look. "We need reinforcements. Lanie!"

Kate jumped at her father's yell, but then her friend was sauntering in from the front bedroom where she'd disappeared to with Javier. She looked . . . smudged.

"What's going on?" they both said, Kate and Lanie at the same time, each with narrowed eyes.

"Kate asked me to marry her," Castle supplied quickly. "But now she won't pick a good ring."

"Pick a ring?" Lanie stared at them. "You got engaged? Do not mess with me. Kate Beckett, you best not be messin' with me."

"Best not be messin' with me," Castle muttered.

"Where were you?" Kate asked. "This is old news. Help me foist these two off. I don't want a sparkly, heavy thing that feels like an iceberg."

"Because you are _in_sane," Lanie said vehemently.

"Not you too. Come on. It's not practical."

"That is the least romantic thing you've ever said to me," Castle sighed.

"Oh yeah? Just wait," she promised, glaring at him.

"Girlfriend, this boy has serious money. And he seriously - aww, look at that face - he seriously loves you."

_Seriously._

"That doesn't mean I need the Titanic on my finger."

"Well that's optimistic," he groaned.

She elbowed him, shooting him a look, and then turned back to her friend. "See what I'm dealing with here? Apparently if Castle spends under a thousand dollars, we're doomed."

"And your theory is that. . .?" Lanie asked, raising both eyebrows as she loomed over them.

"That the Titanic was hideously expensive and look where that ended up. Not functional, not practical. I want to want to wear it."

Castle melted a little, soft and fuzzy, and slid his fingers around her elbow at his side, squeezed. Okay, okay, that was better; he could handle _I want to want it_.

But still. "I'll be the laughingstock of Page Six if I buy you a ring that only costs three hundred dollars."

She froze. Lanie shot him a look that said, _Stop opening your mouth, you big fat idiot._

"Ah. I - uh-" Castle tried to look in her eyes, but all he was getting was a blank slate.

But then she turned her intense gaze on him, her mouth in a thin line before she spoke. "If you love me, then it's a small price to pay."

"Entirely too small," he grumped, but then he got what she meant - page six - and sighed. "This is your compromise for marrying me? I get trash-talked for not buying you the ring you deserve and you wind up in page six?"

She raised an eyebrow.

He sighed again. "So long as you're marrying me . . . I'll take it."

* * *

><p>She had a ring. Well.<p>

If the world survived today - if _she_ survived today - then she had a ring. It was subtle. The stone was inlaid, blue sapphire, he'd convinced her to get diamonds on either side (compromise, again; this marriage would be filled with not-quite satisfactory compromise). She had a ring.

A ring other than the plastic thing she currently couldn't get off of her finger. She twisted it again, grunting, but nope. Not coming off.

Kate squirted a dollop of liquid soap onto her palm and lathered it up with a little water, standing at his bathroom sink trying to get the damn thing off. It was turning her skin green, and her fingers were so swollen because of it that she might never get it off.

Finally the ring shot off her finger and circled the drain with a clatter; she scooped it up quickly, unwilling to lose it. She placed it on the counter, rinsed her hands, and shut the water off.

Shaking her fingers out, sliding them along her jeans to dry, she picked up the ring again, the stupid movie-tie-in trinket, but she couldn't seem to let it go.

Not just yet.

Kate pocketed the ring and stepped out of his bathroom only to find Castle hard at work. Laptop on the bed, his shoulders hunched over it, typing furiously.

"What are you doing?" she asked, half afraid he was going back to Tiffany's to buy her that infinity pendant that she had paused on - so very briefly, and really, no, she didn't need it, and it was only a pause to gather herself - and then she sank down on the bed next to him.

(And already, a small voice in her had already claimed it, the bed, as _hers_ just like the man sitting on it.)

"I'm making a list," he said.

"Never thought of you as a list-maker," she said dryly, reaching out as if possessed and brushing her thumb along the lines at his eye, curling her fingers in his hair.

He looked over at her, clearly startled, snagged her hand in his. "Ryan pointed out to me that this wasn't exactly big. And I think you should get-"

"I don't care what _Ryan_ thinks," she huffed, sliding her feet up under her to get closer to him.

"No, okay. I know. But-"

"You don't like the way I proposed to you?" she asked, lifting an eyebrow at him. She had intended to make it into a joke, but then she wondered, she actually had the thought that maybe that really _wasn't_ the story he wanted to tell.

But no. He was grinning now, eyes alight. "I love the way you proposed to me. Clearly, you didn't intend to."

She pressed her lips together, but that was enough of a tell.

"My story startled it out of you. You proposed almost against your will. I _love_ that."

"Hm, well."

"No, I'm making a list of the things I love about you. That proposal is on it, for sure."

Oh.

A list of things he loved? That was - sweet.

"Want to hear the first thing on the list?"

"Sure," she murmured and leaned her cheek against his shoulder.

"Number one. Your smoking hot body."

She groaned, and he laughed out loud, so very delighted. "No, no. Kidding. That's not number one. I put that way down the list."

"Only because you thought it wouldn't look so good if it was number one?" she prompted, kneading her thumb into his thigh.

He jerked, let out a breathy laugh. "Touché."

She shook her head against him, slid her fingers over his knee.

"You should read it," he said, suddenly quiet. "Without me looking at you, staring like a lovesick idiot. Which I am, but we don't need to keep reminding you of that, do we?"

She laughed softly, lifted her head to look at him. "I like it. For now."

"Okay, noted. Will not continue to act like a lovesick fool. Can you give me a date, a time table? Is this like when the milk goes bad? It's stamped clearly with an expiration date, but we never pay attention until it's too late?"

"I pay attention."

"No, you don't. Alexis pays attention. You just bum milk from me. You use me for milk."

True. "What's that saying, Castle? Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?"

He gasped, but he was laughing too. "You saying I'm a cow? Guess what, Detective? You're buying me. I can be bought."

She grinned back, pressed her mouth to the line of his laughter. "So an expiration date on lovesick? Sure. How about Decemeber 22nd?"

"That's too soon!" he moaned, hand to his heart even as her eyes strayed to the computer screen. And that list. She wanted to read that list.

"I thought you'd be rushing to get me down the aisle," she teased.

"Wait. No, not - wait. You're - I'm not sure which I'm more excited about. That you're talking to me about dates for our wedding or that I get to be lovesick throughout our engagement. It's just - too good to be to true. Best gift ever."

"Merry Christmas, Castle," she muttered, rolling her eyes.

"Speaking of. Read your list. I'm going to - uh - corner Alexis."

Oh. "Should I-?"

"No, no. It'll be fine. I just think I should explain," he said quickly. But she heard the seriousness in his voice and she wondered.

"Be sure to tell her that it's her fault," she said, trying for a smile. "If she hadn't grounded us."

"I'm sure that will go over well."

She couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not. Really not good. "Do I need to do something? Should I have done that differently-?"

"No. You, Kate Beckett, get to propose to me however you like. I perhaps should have broken the news differently."

"It's news that has to be broken? It can't just . . . be?" She swallowed hard, drew her knees up to her chest and felt the LOTR ring in her pocket dig into her hip flexor.

Castle reached out and wrapped his fingers around her forearm, tugged her off-balanced enough to fall into him. Where he could push a kiss onto her mouth, heated and reassuring and with just enough tongue that it made her want to unfurl against him, push the laptop off the bed and see what happened.

But he broke it off and swiped his thumb over her cheekbone. "You think about a date, Beckett. Read my list. I'll work on my kid."


	12. Chapter 12

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>He found Alexis in the back bedroom sitting on the floor, watching the television coverage of the earthquake relief efforts, her spine pressed against the bed. She looked like she was hiding.<p>

"Dad," she said, her shoulders up around her ears as she looked at him.

He came through the doorway and sat on the bed, ran a hand through her hair, scratched her scalp. "What's going on with you?"

"I'm okay."

"But."

She shrugged, leaned her cheek against the mattress close to where his hand lay.

He sighed. "You're alone back here watching reports about mangled elementary school children and drowned couples washing ashore in India. If that's not self-punishment, I don't know what is."

She huffed, but pointed the remote at the tv and muted the news. "You don't really know what is, anyway, do you, Dad? Not exactly one for self-discipline."

He spread his hand flat and gave her a long look.

Alexis flushed and buried her face into the bedspread. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Uh-huh," he said, drawing it out. "And you never snap at me. So what gives?"

"You're just going to marry her? Like that?"

His breath caught. "Like that." _If she'll finally have me? Hell yes._

"And a week ago you were drinking in your study because she'd stopped talking to you."

"She hadn't stopped talking to me. She'd just stopped listening when I talked." Big difference. Small difference. He'd been pestering her to reconsider, to stop stopping this, to just be willing to let him take a bullet for her just as he was willing to let her do the same. (Except he really wasn't. He didn't want her taking a bullet for him, for anyone.)

"Dad," she said heavily. "I don't get it."

He glanced at her, eyebrow raised. "You were the one who said we needed to figure it out."

"I thought you'd agree to stop kidding yourselves and put each other out of your misery."

"You think we're kidding ourselves?" he asked qiuetly, studying his daughter's profile in the glare from the television.

Alexis turned her head and met his eyes. "Yeah. Dad - I do."

He glanced down. "You don't like Kate?" He shook his head at her scathing look. Not the point, okay. "I love her. And - and I love you. And I want us to be . . . I don't want tension when-"

"When what, when _Detective Beckett_ moves in?" she said pointedly.

He sighed, rubbed a finger down the bridge of his nose. "Well, she'd be Kate, and not Detective Beckett, if you were out there trying. And not back here hiding."

Alexis regarded him for a moment. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Point taken."

"So. . ."

"So. Couldn't you have waited until I moved out?" she said bitterly.

He jerked back, stunned by the tone in her voice. "What's your deal, Alexis?"

"My deal? My deal is that you don't seem to be looking out for yourself whatsoever. You never do. You just let them do whatever they want to you, and then when they're gone, you're moody and morose and you throw stupid wild parties and sign women's chests and stop acting like my father and act more like a rich, insufferable jerk. That's my deal."

He blinked, his heart sinking like a stone. "Are - are we talking about Gina?"

"And every other woman you've had something with. So no, Dad, I don't want her to move in. I don't want to watch her step all over you. I don't want to have breakfast with you two and see her roll her eyes at you, see her take you for granted. I don't want to watch you fall all over yourself trying to make her _like_ you."

"That's not how it is," he said quietly.

"Oh yeah? Really? Seems awfully inequal to me. You do all the work and she gets to stomp all over your heart, no questions asked. Here one day, gone the next three months, and you with your heart crushed. Because you're _my_ dad, and you love me too with that same heart she's mucking around with. You're mine. And I don't want to share you with her, not for that."

He hung his head, scraped his hand through his hair, and tried to figure out what to say to her.

He didn't have a clue.

* * *

><p><em>1. You have no idea what you do to me. You think you do, and you like to tease, and I love that you tease, but you have no idea the power you have over me.<em>

Kate sucked in a breath and tilted her head back, swiped at the sudden surge of heat and tears. Drawing the laptop closer, she leaned against the headboard, tried to breathe through the sudden shock of his words on the screen. His list.

_2. Fierce and loyal and stubborn and extreme and kind and generous, in all the good ways and the bad, I love your passion, your compassion._

She curled her lips into a smile and stroked the down arrow key with her fingertip, able to see him so clearly, all the times he'd said this already, all the ways he'd managed to express himself.

_3. God, you're hot._

Kate laughed out loud, went on to _4. Your legs are amazing. I love running my hand up the outside of your thigh and to the curve of your waist. Have I said you're hot?_

And then _5. Do you know you're hot? I think you do, but you've never let it make you mean. You've never been cruel. You've never played men off each other or dangled yourself like bait in front of me, for me, against me. You've never hurt me with it, even though you're so beautiful it hurts._

Kate pressed a hand to her lips. Hadn't she? She'd done those things, because she did know the power she had, she knew it. Had she never used it against him? - well if she hadn't, it was by some hand greater than her own, some power that kept her from it. It was a miracle she hadn't already ruined them.

_6. The power you have over me? Includes making me a better man. I hope I can, in some small way, do the same for you. Stronger, not weaker._

She needed to - needed him. Now. She didn't want to go through the rest of this list without him there, without somehow letting him know-

_7. Your smile is everything. I want to give you ever more reasons to smile like that. Even if it's not at me._

And she was smiling now, wanted him to see it, wanted him, wanted to only smile at him for the rest of her life and somehow, some way, pay him back for everything by not giving that smile to anyone but him.

_8. I don't get many things right the first time (in fact, I'm told that a lot). But now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls, brought me here. And where was I before the day that I first saw your lovely face? Now I see it every day. And I know - that I am - the luckiest._

She laughed because that was a song - a good song - but a song, and he was stealing from a song that she loved so much, and surely he knew that, knew how much she loved this song? And he used it to tell her something beautiful.

_9. You read. Holy shit, Kate, you know so much stuff! I know I keep forgetting you read - but just how much you've read, and the depths of your intelligence, the breadth of your knowledge, and how you use it - it's amazing. Dare I say, extraordinary? You can do anything, be anything, master anything, and it keeps me - moving. It keeps me on my toes. Challenged. Inspired._

It was too much, all of it, the way he wove words around her. She needed to make her own list. It couldn't be half as beautiful as this, but it might say what she had to say, what she'd needed to say. It might. She hadn't even finished reading his, and yet she craved a way to let him know. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, and then she added her number one right below his:

_1. You have no idea what you do to me. You have no idea how I love you. But I'm going to take all my passion, all my loyalty and fierceness and kindness and strength and intelligence, and bring all of it to bear on you, focus those things you love about me on being for you what you've been for me._


	13. Chapter 13

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>She interrupted them in the middle of nothing, really, more stalemated silence between his daughter and himself, and when Kate did interrupt them, she came with the laptop cradled in her arms and her whole face alight, brimming.<p>

And if Alexis couldn't see that. . .

Kate dropped to her knees beside him on the bed; she didn't even seem to notice the tension in the room, so intent upon him as she was. Her free hand came to his cheek and her mouth blistered his with the force of her overwhelmed heart. Castle could taste it.

When she pulled back, she was laughing, and he thought maybe there were tears hidden back there, the dark of her eyes shining. "You are amazing," she whispered, for him alone, and her mouth came against his lips again and worshipped.

He'd never felt it like this from her before, awed and humbled and - and so much like his own brand of love that it stunned him.

She pulled back, setting the laptop on the bed so she could put both arms around his neck; he embraced her back, felt her surprise the moment she realized they had an audience.

Kate withdrew with a little laugh, gave him a look of _You should have told me_, and then she brushed the hair off her face with a hand. "Alexis. I didn't realize you were in here."

Castle wanted to warn her, felt it wasn't fair to let her walk in on whatever this was, but Alexis was staring at her, not saying a word.

Kate smoothed a hand over his thigh, looked back to Alexis. "I'm sorry. I - you surprised me."

"You surprised me too, Kate."

Kate gave him a sidelong glance, evidently catching on to something now, and she pulled back a little more. But she laid a hand on the laptop, drew it closer to herself.

"I wanted - your Dad wrote me something. I was just thanking him," she said, then shot him a heated sizzle of her eyes. Gratitude was not what she had in mind.

"You read my list?" he asked, smiling at her.

"I - honestly, I don't think I finished it. I wanted to - had to come find you first," she admitted with a little shrug, then smiled. A smile for him, that encompassed all of her face, but drifted away the moment she stopped looking at him.

He'd never noticed it before, but it was no wonder that Alexis felt that his relationship with Kate was unequal. She didn't emote around people she wasn't comfortable with.

She'd always been passionate and fiery and fierce with him, but maybe Kate had only ever shown his daughter the reserve of police detective, the calm and in control and professional Beckett.

"You had to come find me?" he probed, realizing that this might be the one way to show his daughter she was wrong.

She flicked her eyes to Alexis, then back to him, as if drawn, unable to resist. Her cheeks brightened as she smiled. All those gorgeous lines as she took him in. "Yeah. I - I wrote my own."

His heart thundered. "You did?"

She cast another look to Alexis, but shrugged and opened the laptop for him, settled it on his knee. She looked nervous; her anxiety always manifested as this quiet and stillness that he was trying to push past, for Alexis.

His daughter shifted, made a movement like she might be leaving. Castle reached out and pressed his hand into her shoulder. "Stay, Alexis."

Kate opened her mouth, looking at him with strain around her eyes, as close to panic about all of this than he'd ever seen. "I - I don't know that - it's not all PG, Castle," she said, twisting her lips - half smile, half grimace.

"I'm not going to read it out loud to her," he laughed. He didn't want to force this, but Alexis needed to see.

Kate was blushing, but she was also studying him. She knew; she could read it in his face, couldn't she? When she gave Alexis another quick look, he knew that she knew.

Her fingers unfurled from her fist, stroked the top of his knee. "Are you sure?" Kate murmured.

Alexis shifted under his grip, her hand coming to his as if to shake him off. "Dad. I should leave you guys-"

"No. We need to talk. All three of us."

Kate and Alexis looked at each other, neither very happy about it.

"Okay," Kate said quietly, pulling her legs up under her, gaining some height as she did. First of the two women to agree with him. Not exactly the Beckett he was expecting, but he appreciated it. "So let's talk. Alexis?"

His daughter gave a short nod, looking resigned, resolute, and Castle suddenly wondered if maybe this was a bad idea, if maybe he should be running interference, acting as a intermediary with each party in separate rooms as he went back and forth, not let them do this face to face.

Too late.

He glanced down at the list up on his laptop, saw she had written her own, number for number. She was concise, mostly, except where she was - uh - not PG. His lips quirked. His biceps?

Her hand came up to the laptop screen; she pushed on it to half-close it. "Castle," she laughed. "Seriously."

He lifted his eyes, sparkling, already filled up with just the first sentence. "Seriously," he breathed back, snaked his hand around her neck and pulled her back in for a kiss, hot and bothered as she leaned into him, her hands on his thighs for balance.

When she broke free, she let out a little stuttered breath, pressed her cheek to his, hiding her face from his daughter. He curled his hand at her neck, stroked her skin until she could settle back, sitting on her feet.

She wasn't looking at Alexis, maybe purposefully, trying to collect herself. "So let's talk," she said finally.

"I wanna read your list of why you love me," he said, giving her a slow, pouting look.

She rolled her eyes. "Later. We can do that later. First - Alexis."

She was putting his daughter first.

He should add that to the list.

* * *

><p>Alexis shifted to sit on the bed beside Castle; Kate glanced once more to him, trying to determine how serious he was about this. Pretty serious. Something had been said, then. Alexis wasn't happy with her - but these days, when was she?<p>

Kate had no idea where to start. But she wasn't going to be led, wasn't going to be railroaded either. She'd have this conversation on her own terms. "So. Alexis. You have questions?"

Alexis gave her a long look, hesitance written over her face.

"Ask," Kate said, crossing her legs and putting her elbows on her knees. "Nothing is off limits."

Castle raised an eyebrow at that, as if to say _Oh really?_ but she ignored him.

Alexis opened her mouth, closed it again, shook her head.

Kate tried again. "Maybe I should have warned you. I would have, if I'd known. But I didn't see it coming."

Castle chuckled; she shot him a look, thumped his knee with her finger.

"You didn't see it coming?" Alexis asked. "How could you not know you wanted to marry him?"

Kate bit the inside of her cheek and tried to find an answer that didn't sound - too terrible.

"Pumpkin, yesterday Kate and I weren't even - weren't together. You know that."

"Yeah but I really thought." Alexis sighed, rubbed at her forehead. "I thought it was because, sorry Kate, but I thought you just didn't love him enough."

Her heart clenched. "No. That's not-" She shook her head, had to suck in a breath to steady herself. "Maybe it's because I love him too much." She glanced at Castle, felt like her guts were being spread out before him. She wouldn't mind it - well, it would be less painful if it weren't also in front of his daughter.

But Castle reached out and took her hand, fingers tangling with hers. "We agreed to stop. Agreed to stay out of danger. We'd both been holding out on each other trying to keep the other person safe."

"Like blackmail," Alexis said.

Kate jerked her head to his daughter, jaw dropping. _Blackmail._

"Well, and now it's all miraculously gone?" Alexis snorted. "The danger's past?"

"No," Kate admitted. "But we always do better together. We have each other's backs."

Alexis's face twisted, a sour look. "I know Dad does better with you. And you? You're better with my dad?"

Kate nodded, throat closed up.

"So you guys get married and then what?"

"Are you asking if we've thought this through?" Castle said, laughing at her. "Alexis. Sweetheart. Seriously? I think we're both old enough to-"

"I just mean. Sorry, Dad. I mean that it's sudden. And how can you know?"

"I know," Kate said intently. "This is it for me."

Alexis shot a startled glance to her, cheeks flushed. She opened her mouth, shut it, didn't seem to have anything else to say to that.

"Some things are clear." Kate let out a long breath and looked over at Castle. These were things she should have said to him before this, before a confession in front of his daughter. "It's been clear. For a long time. But it had to be right. Done right."

"This is how it's done right?" Alexis said, brow furrowed.

Castle leaned forward, wrapped an arm around his daughter's shoulders to pull her into a side-hug. "Yes, maybe it looked like blackmail on the outside, what Kate and I were doing, keeping apart. But I did it because I love her-"

"Same for me," Kate interrupted, squeezing Castle's fingers, watching the two of them. "And you, Alexis. You don't deserve to have my issues, my mother's case mess up your life. And I don't want that to take another person I love. I couldn't - it's not right to do that to you."

Alexis lowered her eyes, hands clasped in her lap.

Kate shot Castle a look, wondering if it was enough, if she'd managed to make it okay.

"Alexis?" he called.

She glanced up finally, meeting Kate's eyes. "I didn't meant to act like a child," Alexis said quietly.

Castle made a noise, pulled her in tighter. "But you are a child. You're my child."

Kate disagreed - she had been childish, sulking off the moment they'd told everyone, treating Kate for a year or more like a distasteful but necessary part of her life - but Kate didn't feel the need to dwell on it now. Hopefully they could clear this out, get past it.

"I'm not a child though," Alexis said softly. "And I just want it to work out for you, Dad. I want someone to love you right."

"It'll work out. It does work," Castle murmured, kissing the top of her head. "It's right."

"Alexis?" Kate reached out her free hand, curled her fingers around Alexis's, squeezing a little. "I promise. I promise - it'll be okay."

The girl seemed to remember, knew the weight that promise held. Her shoulders slumped and her face cleared. She nodded, then held out her arm to Kate, brought her in for a hug.

Kate embraced her. She wondered, for a brief moment, if she and Alexis would ever get past her job and the danger it put her father in.

It was asking a lot.

Kate had wondered herself if it wasn't, in fact, so very selfish of Kate to want him with her. For everything.

But she couldn't say no to him. She couldn't keep herself away.

They'd tried that all this past year. Tried and failed.


	14. Chapter 14

**Doomsday**

* * *

><p>A screech sounded through the bunker; a scream followed that.<p>

"He's here!"

At his side, Kate startled so hard that he felt the need to slip his arm around her waist, keep her from falling. (That and he liked any excuse to put his hands on her.)

A little girl came running into the room, braids flying, stopped at the bed and grabbed Alexis's hands. "My Daddy is home!"

Alexis laughed, her voice breaking a little; she got up and followed the girl out, leaving Castle and Kate on the bed.

She let out a relieved sigh. "Whew. Guess we can finally get out of here."

He gave her a glare, but her lips twitched.

"I'm guessing that Ryan's family are gonna bail as soon as they can?" she said instead.

He nodded. "Kamille was telling me they'd get out of our hair tonight. Which I don't-"

"Our?"

"Yours and mine," he smirked, lifting an eyebrow at her. "You know. This place."

"This? I'm not claiming this place," she said, drawing away from him. "You can keep it. Make it a man cave. Since it really is a cave."

"Come on. You love it. Every anniversary we'll come back here to celebrate-"

"Nothing doing, Castle." She pushed on his shoulder and got up off the bed. "Come on, let's get your garage door opener."

He sighed and took the hand she proffered, pulled himself up next to her. As he glanced down the hall, he took a moment, holding Kate back. "Hey. About Alexis-"

She turned to him, something dark sweeping across her eyes and then gone. "It will be okay," she said quietly. "I'll work on it."

"She will too," Castle murmured. "It goes both ways."

Kate gave him a long look. "It does."

Castle sighed; he knew there was something there, knew there was more than either of them would say. "For what it's worth, I think she does like you."

"She just doesn't like me for you," she said softly.

Castle slipped his hand around her neck and brought her into him, a fierce hug. "She doesn't know. She has no idea. But she'll see."

Kate took a stuttered breath against him that he didn't like. She shouldn't doubt it. What she'd been to him. What she was.

"Castle," she murmured, pulled back from him.

"Yeah."

"Let's wait on this until everyone's gone. Until we can talk and not have three year olds running in to interrupt us."

"Or hiding under the bed?" He brushed the tips of his fingers across her temple, stroked his thumb under her eye. He gave her a slow smirk. "Yeah. Good idea."

She smiled finally, turned her head to kiss the base of his thumb before slipping out the door.

* * *

><p>Kamille and her family were the first to leave, but the two other husbands came back soon after, and Martha was organizing a huge picnic dinner for all the families. At least, that's what it looked like. In fact, she was mostly dictating what to do to Alexis and a couple of the older boys, who were making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for an army.<p>

An army of Ryans.

Esposito and Lanie disappeared sometime during the melee; Kate got a text from her saying they needed space - they were working through something. Could be promising, could be terrible. She never knew with those two anymore.

The hectic pace of leave-taking only slowed once the last Ryan sister was out the door, and then Jenny gently guided Kevin out to the car, promising all kinds of things in his ear that Kate never ever needed to hear again. Never. Ever.

Although that thing about -

No. She wasn't picking up _ideas_ from Kevin and Jenny. No.

She had enough ideas of her own. What to do to Castle. How. Where.

When it was only, finally, her father, his mother, Alexis and the two of them, the silence in the place was startling. The five of them stood awkwardly in the entryway, still arrested in the act of saying good-bye, not looking at each other.

Alexis bailed first. "I'm gonna finish that research paper. Now that it's quiet."

College. Right. Acceptable excuse.

Kate watched Castle watch her go, tried to just not think about it, about any of it, the girl or the long fight ahead of her. How harder that fight would be since Alexis wasn't at home to see, and Kate was best about showing rather than telling.

"Well, now it really is quiet. And we've got dinner to make," her father said into the silence. "What do you all feel like having?"

"Oh, something light, Jim," Martha swept in, hooking her arm through Kate's father's and pulling him along to the kitchen. "We've had the big meal already. Let's see about pasta salad. Something."

That left Kate standing entirely too close to Castle in front of the door, his body still turned after his daughter.

"Maybe you should go talk to her?"

Castle's head whipped around; maybe he heard something in her voice that she hadn't intended to give out. His hand came up to grasp hers, his palm swallowing her fingers. She kept forgetting how wide and broad his hands were.

"No. She'll be fine. Needs some time to think on it. She'll come find me."

Kate watched him, knew she was trying to take a read off him, trying to figure out what happened next based on the way he was looking at her. And oh-

Oh, that.

"You should read my list," she said quietly, nudging his hip with their joined hands, pushing him towards the hallway, the back bedroom where the laptop was.

"Yeah," he said with a grin. "I definitely want to read that."

* * *

><p><em>1. You have no idea what you do to me. You have no idea how I love you. But I'm going to take all my passion, all my loyalty and fierceness and kindness and strength and intelligence, and bring all of it to bear on you, focus those things in me you love on being for you what you've been for me.<em>

_2. Those biceps. Mmm, delicious. I love the feel of your arms as they get tighter and tighter, when you can't help it, when you don't want to need me too much, but you do anyway._

_3. Now my head is entirely too raunchy to finish this list. How about I get back to safer ground? Ummmm. Sigh, no can do. The way you feel pressed up against me. Jeez, Castle, damn it. This is your fault. I can't think of anything else. I give up._

_4. Your mouth. You know why._

_5. In case this ever gets out, I should've put this first, or at least second, but you're - I can't believe I'm going to admit this - you're cutely hilarious. Amusing. Mostly just annoyingly amusing. When you're not adorable. Damn. This isn't any better. I'll try to be serious._

_6. You know what it means to need to help - to want to ease someone's grief, to give someone answers. You know how that feels to be responsible, to carry it, even though I wish you didn't. I wish - but it's too late now, and I think, maybe, and I hate it, I really hate it, but I think it's made you understand me as well, everything that's happened to me._

_7. You pay attention. I'll admit I don't always like that, but it's made me feel . . . known. It's a little scary - a lot scary - but it's made it easier for you to get to me. And that might be the only way anyone will ever get to me; it's a good thing it's you._

_8. It may be the wrong thing, but you always do it for the right reasons. Your heart is pure, and it loves me. And that makes it better, makes it feel like it can be okay, that it can and will always work._

_9. You have never given up on me. Who knew you could be so patient?_

10. _You are my partner. In more ways than I thought possible. I don't want anyone else; I don't need anyone else._

11. _Your stories. Good and evil, justice and mercy - dirty and tame. I want them all._

_12. Your words. Mine are so inept to say what yours do for me, what they've done. How your words have saved me, over and over. First in your novels, when I was black with grief, and then to my face, telling me the truth even when it wasn't pretty, and then at my back, reassuring me, letting me know you were there, that I was covered, and now at my side. And I don't have all those words yet, I hope I never hear the end of them. Because this could be - this is - the only story I want to hear. Ours._


End file.
